GOD KILLS SELF!!! God has taken his own life it was learnt yesterday when the deity's suicide note was received by the heads of the world's major and minor religions. 'I've made such a mess of everything,' the note is said to read, 'you'd all be better off without me'.
The note is also reported to state that, seeing as there will no longer be a God, there will no longer be any need to die, kill, or amass huge amounts of wealth in his name. God is said to have written that it will no longer be possible to use him as a justification for 'demented behaviour of any sort'. The note then says, 'I am no longer in charge. It's up to you "grown ups" now'.
When asked to comment on the note, the leaders of the world's religions remained silent, although the Pope did wonder aloud why the word grown ups was placed in quotation marks. 'What's that supposed to mean?' asked the pontiff, 'is he taking the piss or what?'