A Tribute or Two

Pictured above: Bruce Foxton, Paul Weller and Dennis Waterman (centre)


My brother used love this SONG. He left us a good taste in music.


...this SONG is for anyone who is left helpless in the floods or has been left high and dry by this nation in so many other ways.

...and this is the SONG Mary O'Rourke puts in the CD player to get the nephew Conor off to sleep.

FORUM FUN :)

Last night I was online discussing my favourite TV show with my buddies on the forums. It's great the way the net has democratised the communications/cultural landscape going forward. Here's what went down...

THREAD TOPIC: MISSED LAST NIGHT'S SHOW!

SuzyMcQ

Registered User

Posts: 3,710

Hey guys, I missed the show yesterday because my Mom died. Did anyone record it or know where I can download it?
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TrumanTheHuman

Registered User

Posts: 9,675

Try Rapidshare. Should be up by now. Sorry to hear about your Mom. :(
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SuzyMcQ

Registered User

Posts: 3,711

Quote: "Try Rapidshare. Should be up by now. Sorry to hear about your Mom. :("

Got it from Rapidshare, Thanks Tru. Don't be sorry about Mom. She was kind of old and crazy anyways. ;)
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FatGuyJerkingOff

Novice

Posts: 28

I dig pussy!
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TrumanTheHuman

Registered User

Posts: 9,676

Mods, he's back again. Could you please remove the pussy remark?
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HappyCamper

Novice

Posts: 1

Hi, I'm a noob to the forum. Just wanted to say that I really enjoyed the show last night. I thought the bit with the crabs was a tiny bit unoriginal but I really liked the show.
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BigBadBrad

Registered User

Posts: 156,890

Quote: "I thought the bit with the crabs was a tiny bit unoriginal"

WTF??? The bit with the crabs was the best part of the show. I don't think you should come barging onto this forum (a FAN forum!!!) shouting about unoriginality when your post is like the most unoriginal thing I have ever seen IN MY LIFE!
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MidnightRambler

Registered User

Posts: 98,008

Quote: "I thought the bit with the crabs was a tiny bit unoriginal"

I agree with the Bradmeister. If you've gotta criticize the show at least say something constructive. I don't think it's enough to come on here and say it's unoriginal and not make any suggestions or anything.
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BikerGal

Registered User

Posts: 5,256

Quote: "I don't think it's enough to come on here and say it's unoriginal and not make any suggestions or anything."

Yeah. It's kind of cowardly.
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FatGuyJerkingOff

Novice

Posts: 29

Pussy Rocks!
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TrumanTheHuman

Registered User

Posts: 9,677

Mods, could you please do something about this pussy stuff?
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HappyCamper

Novice

Posts: 2

@BigBadBrad, MidnightRambler, BikerGal

Guys, I didn't mean to get you riled. I love the show, I just thought the crab bit was like I've seen on other shows but it's really not a big problem for me. I really love the show :)
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BigBadBrad

Registered User

Posts: 156,891

Quote: @BigBadBrad, MidnightRambler, BikerGal

Guys, I didn't mean to get you riled. I love the show, I just thought the crab bit was like I've seen on other shows but it's really not a big problem for me. I really love the show :)

Jesus H. Why don't you kill yourself or make yourself more intelligent?
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MidnightRambler

Registered User

Posts: 98,009

Quote: "Jesus H. Why don't you kill yourself or make yourself more intelligent?"

LMFAO!
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Necrophile'sValentine

Registered User

Posts: 70,015

Quote: "@BigBadBrad, MidnightRambler, BikerGal

Guys, I didn't mean to get you riled ... I really love the show :)

Faggot.
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StoneColdStunner

Registered User

Posts: 504

My brother used to date a girl who went to college with a guy who roomed with this other guy who had the same barber as a guy who works on the show and the barber told the guy who roomed with the guy who went to college with my bro's ex that the next show is going to be even better!
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BikerGal

Registered User

Posts: 5,257

Quote: "My brother used to date a girl who went to college with a guy who roomed with this other guy who had the same barber as a guy who works on the show and the barber told the guy who roomed with the guy who went to college with my bro's ex that the next show is going to be even better!"

I doubt the veracity of your sources.
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Necrophile'sValentine

Registered User

Posts: 70,016

Quote: "My brother used to date a girl who went to college with a guy who roomed with this other guy who had the same barber as a guy who works on the show and the barber told the guy who roomed with the guy who went to college with my bro's ex that the next show is going to be even better!"

The show's fine as it is. Your bro is full of shit. F**k you and your queer bro.
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FatGuyJerkingOff

Novice

Posts: 30

PUSSY! PUSSY! PUSSY!
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TrumanTheHuman

Registered User

Posts: 9,678

Mods, what's with the pussy stuff getting on here? This is like the hundredth time! }:[
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BikerGal

Registered User

Posts: 5,258

Quote: "Mods, what's with the pussy stuff getting on here? This is like the hundredth time! }:["

Yeah mods, we're trying to discuss the show here.
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FatGuyJerkingOff

Novice

Posts: 31

I'm a big Fat Guy and I'm jerking off!
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TrumanTheHuman

Registered User

Posts: 9,679

MODS!!!!
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FatherOfOne

Registered User

Posts: 445

I find much in life to be disappointing and I take no pleasure in adding last night's episode to that ever lengthening list, which also includes the state of public transport and my pathetic son Glen.
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HappyCamper

Novice

Posts: 3

Do they get the show in Japan? I bet the Japanese would love the show. LOL!
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BigBadBrad

Registered User

Posts: 156,892


Quote: "Do they get the show in Japan? I bet the Japanese would love the show. LOL!"

Seriously dude, are you still here?
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Necrophile'sValentine

Registered User

Posts: 70,017


Quote: "Do they get the show in Japan? I bet the Japanese would love the show. LOL!"

I have no doubt the Japs would love the show but think that you are a faggot.
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HappyCamper

Novice

Posts: 4

It's no wonder pepole find the net an unfriendly place with pepole like you guys on it.
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Necrophile'sValentine

Registered User

Posts: 70,018

Quote: "It's no wonder pepole find the net an unfriendly place with pepole like you guys on it."

Sure, but what's a 'pepole' exactly?
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HappyCamper

Novice

Posts: 5

Quote: "Sure, but what's a 'pepole' exactly?"

You know what I mean.
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Necrophile'sValentine

Registered User

Posts: 70,019

"Quote: You know what I mean."

I doubt anyone knows what you mean. You are meaningless.
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HappyCamper

Novice

Posts: 6

You make this forum an unfriendly place.
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Necrophile'sValentine

Registered User

Posts: 70,020

"Quote: You make this forum an unfriendly place."

For you buddy, the world must be an unfriendly place.
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HappyCamper

Novice

Posts: 7

I'm never posting here again.
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Necrophile'sValentine

Registered User

Posts: 70,021

"Quote: I'm never posting here again."

My work is done.
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PrivateSectorEmployee

Registered User

Posts: 657

I'm happy with the show the way it is but my wife says she wishes it was a little longer. What do you guys think?
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Necrophile'sValentine

Registered User

Posts: 70,022

"Quote: I'm happy with the show the way it is but my wife says she wishes it was a little longer. What do you guys think?."

I think that's your wife's way of saying she wishes your cock was a little longer.
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PrivateSectorEmployee

Registered User

Posts: 658

Quote: "I think that's your wife's way of saying she wishes your cock was a little longer."

Believe me pal, my wife's pretty happy on that score. ;)
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Necrophile'sValentine

Registered User

Posts: 70,023

Quote: "Believe me pal, my wife's pretty happy on that score. ;)"

That's because your wife is imaginary.
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PrivateSectorEmployee

Registered User

Posts: 659

I'm putting you on my ignore list NV. I didn't come here to be insulted.
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Necrophile'sValentine

Registered User

Posts: 70,024

Quote: "I didn't come here to be insulted."

That's what you think. Humming bird dick.
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Necrophile'sValentine

Registered User

Posts: 70,025

Wifeless dirtwad.
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Necrophile'sValentine

Registered User

Posts: 70,026

Dirtwad, you there?
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Necrophile'sValentine

Registered User

Posts: 70,027

Hello. . .
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Necrophile'sValentine

Registered User

Posts: 70,028

Hey Assholes!
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Necrophile'sValentine

Registered User

Posts: 70,029

Hello, guys, where you all at?
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Necrophile'sValentine

Registered User

Posts: 70,030

F**k you guys.
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Necrophile'sValentine

Registered User

Posts: 70,031

Hello? Anyone there?
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Necrophile'sValentine

Registered User

Posts: 70,032

Hello?
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FatGuyJerkingOff

Novice

Posts: 32

PUUUUUSSSSSSSAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY!
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MODERATOR - THREAD LOCKED.

FOR THE LADIES...

Seeing as the last post was lads only, this post is strictly for the ladies (and I know a lot of broads visit this equal opportunities blog).

Ladies, simply enlarge the image above, print and pin up on your wall. It's the one you've been waiting for. To quote the mother, 'mmmmm, dishy'.

FOR THE LADS!

Thought it was about time this blog was put to some practical use so here are reviews of some recent releases from the world of adult entertainment.



BUKAKE KNIGHTS:

A medieval theme to this one. Problematic ex-child look-a-like Sasha Grey adopts attire akin to a tarty wench circa 1200AD. She is loaded into a large catapult device, launched from a turret over battlement walls and lands in a moat of man juice.

Overall Verdict - Disconcerting.

GANG BANG, THANK YOU MA'AM:

It's hard to know if there's actually a woman in most of this one. It's really just a sea of undulating gonads and what have you. The camera man seems happy enough but all the wobbling hairy arses etc. put me off my dinner (I like to eat in front of the laptop, which guests and family members find anti-social but, y'know, it saves time). I think I saw a girl's toe amongst the scrum at one stage but it's hard to be sure. The toe may have belonged to the girl who featured at the start of the movie. She was very pretty but seemed a touch slow. I may have heard her a few times during the action too. She was saying something about being a 'naughty slut'. Strangely, Popeye's laughter also seemed to permeate the soundtrack???

Overall Verdict - Discombobulating.

STRICT BIAATCHES:

Daphne and Monica (two of my favourites) whack the crap out of each other with an assortment of objects that include table tennis bats (good), yard brushes (disturbing) and dustbin lids (quite sexy). There is also a bit where Daphne fires a flare gun at Monica, which is downright irresponsible behaviour when you think about it. The film seems to be in Dutch with Lithuanian subtitles which is odd as both Daphne Delites and Monica Havens are American ladies.

Overall Verdict - Harmless Fun.

Closing Statement:

When people complain about adult entertainment being 'exploitative' they should bear in mind the amount of people that go on from this genre to make something of their lives. Did you know that 32% of practising marine biologists are former porn stars? Also, both the world of orthodontics and the legal profession are chock-a-block with familiar faces that got their start in adult entertainment. Gives new meaning to the phrases 'open wide' and 'send him down' doesn't it? (Insert 'LOL' here)

P.S.: I also watched THIS ONE recently. It's awful. I couldn't even get anything going at half mast.

Have a Happy and Safe Halloween!

Halloween is a fun time but it is important to be safe. Remember, fireworks are dangerous and can cause serious injury. Attend only supervised professional firework displays and always stand at a safe and considerable distance. Risk of accidents aside, it is also worth bearing in mind that the unsanctioned possession/use of fireworks is illegal, the penalties for which include a large fine and/or custodial sentence.

Children must also Play Safe on the night. Dressing up and calling to the doors of complete strangers is a big 'No No' and can result in assault by child molesters and/or abduction by other demented individuals - such as crazed spinsters who never had children of their own. In addition, we have all heard the stories about the poisoned 'treats' that are so often provided to youngsters during this holiday. Try not to contribute to the escalating rate of child mortality caused by these odious deeds. Instead, arrange an organised activity programme for your children in a secure environment. This is far safer than permitting minors to stray around the neighbourhood, leaving them vulnerable to 'Stranger Danger'. Also, the Department of Justice has introduced anti-begging legislation so donning masks and looking for 'treats' could well result in penalties such as large fines and/or custodial sentences.

Having arranged your programme of activities in a secure venue of choice, ensure that all attendees are checked for swine flu. Also, have a basin of regularly refreshed clean warm water and a dispenser of disinfectant handwash at the entrance to your Halloween party.

Have party attendees checked for criminal records before issuing invites. This can be done by contacting the gardai, explaining the situation and providing them with a list of the names and addresses of everyone you want screened. This especially applies to any children's entertainers who may be employed for the evening. Ask yourself, what type of life must a person have led for them to arrive at a point where they have been left with no recourse but to become a children's entertainer? There may well be criminality involved. John Wayne Gacy (pictured above) was a children's entertainer. I rest my case.

Ensure the code to your panic room is learnt by heart or within easy access should any drunken intruders/biker gangs arrive on the scene or should the John Wayne Gacy type turn out to be a 'wrong un'.

Ensure that the kettle is unplugged and that there are no pots of boiling water or bubbling chip pans on the stove. How many more children must we bury because their guardians did not have the foresight to do this? Chip pan related deaths run a close third to poisoned 'treats' and errant fireworks as a major killer of Ireland's youth. THERE IS NO MORE ROOM IN THE CEMETERY!

Last, but not least, under NO circumstances should the offspring of neighbours be permitted to enter your party. Neighbours should be kept at a safe distance lest they start to take liberties, pry into your personal affairs or expect you to maintain a consistent friendly demeanour toward them. Also, John Wayne Gacy (still pictured above, . . .just look at him, . . .Jesus) was someone's neighbour once. You are already running the risk of him gaining access under the guise of a children's entertainer, don't increase his odds. Admit only the offspring of people you respect or who can further your career/social standing. Consider the networking opportunities an added bonus to a Happy Halloween.

So, that's it. Fugger's Halloween safety tips going forward. Oh, before I sign off, there is one last tip: Enjoy yourself, it is Halloween after all.

For a list of festive alternatives to risky Halloween activities please visit PlaySafe.com.

Health is Wealth!

I went to the doctor the other day and he told me I was going to die. When I asked him how, he said 'I don't know, I've just got this feeling'. I asked him if he could at least give me a check up to see if anything could be done but he said he didn't think it would be any use.

I started to get a bit worked up about the whole thing, which I think is understandable, and demanded that he at least tell me how long I had left to live. 'I don't know,' he said 'about half an hour, maybe three quarters'. I began to raise my voice, loudly insisting that he could do more but the doctor just asked me to leave. 'You're freaking me out,' he said, 'and I don't want you dying in here and then all the patients outside thinking I killed you by accident because I'm a crap doctor'.

I was charged €60 as I left.

Speaking of matters health, why not check out this great rediscovered episode of the Windell Comics superhero THE HAT?

BERTIE AHERN

'Ah, lay off now. I did me best by yiz. I'm just a man. A normal Drumcondra fella. Love the rasher sandwiches and the Bass. Did you go see the Dubs? Man U played a blinder there, absolute blinder. The daughter likes writing the stories. Loves the bukes. Makes a few bob from that. Did an old buke meself there. A normal enough few pages. Nothing special. A modest buke of recollections and things. Do you like a buke yourself? Mine is seventeen euro. Rasher sandwiches.

Good times. Good times were had by all. There were a few blips on the landscape but we always had the few euro for the Bass. Don't mind the loopers and the whigers, the failures, failed people. Don't mind them feckin' eejits. Feckin' failures. I'd rivet them! Do you hear me? DO YA? I'd rivet that shower! I'LL RIVET THE LOT OF YE!!!!

Ah no, I'm only coddin'. Love an old cod. I love a cod but I'd prefer a Bass. That's a fish joke. Did you get that? It has a double meaning, you can read it two ways. Man U. Rasher sandwiches. Ash Wednesday. Ash Wednesday's great. Big lump of ash on the noggin there. Smudge. Big smudge of it there and then off we go for rasher sandwiches. Great days. We did right by yiz anyway. Brian's fumbled the ball a bit, not too much. Terrible when that lad painted him doin' a shite in the nip. That can't have been easy. Lehmans didn't help either and now there's the uncanny darkness overtaking the place. I'd rivet that darkness. I'd rivet it but I'd rivet Higgins first! I'd rivet that bollix! Rivet him! RIVET!

The future? What of the future you ask? Well, we'll wait and see what comes. I'll still be here, still being Bertie, still watching the matches, drinking the Bass, but I might be doin' it in the Aras. Yiz still love me don't yiz? Yiz still love the Bertie. You'd love to have me in the Aras wouldn't yiz? Oh yeah, yous would n' all. Rasher sandwiches.'