Tuesday, July 17, 2012


I'm just not driven when it comes to anything. Anything at all, I'm just not driven. I must be lacking something, maybe it's drive. I sometimes worry about my lack of drive. I think of all the things I could achieve if I was driven and I worry. I don't worry enough though because if I did I might be driven to do something about my lack of drive and I'm just not driven enough for that. Put simply, I don't have the drive to do something about my lack of drive.

I'm content enough just bobbing about in an undriven fashion. I am human plankton really. Maybe my lack of drive is a superpower. Maybe I was bitten by radioactive plankton. That's silly though, plankton doesn't bite. It couldn't be bothered. It lacked the drive to evolve teeth for a start. It wasn't even driven to evolve a mouth.

So, that's me. I am what I am and what I am is nothing much. I lacked the drive to amount to anything and I've gone without but who cares? Not me, apparently. In fact, I sometimes romanticise my lack of drive. I imagine that it makes me innately subversive. I am the unmotivatable spanner in the works. Capitalists, Communists, Theocrats, Democrats; none have any use for me. Even God himself/herself/itself/nothingself is nonplussed. I am an existential maverick of inactivity. I am an existential/societal/cultural rebel and my act of rebellion is refusing to do anything. I even refuse to rebel. I even refuse to refuse. Yes, I refuse to refuse. There's a simple knack to refusing even to refuse. To refuse to refuse you simply don't refuse and then you just don't do what you didn't refuse to do. It drives people mad. Poor souls, their drive driving them mad.

I sometimes wonder about the rest of you. I wonder about your drives. What drives you on? What is the source of the drives by which you are driven? I suppose there is desire, that's obvious. But I suspect that there is also fear. You are driven to accomplish something because you fear what will happen if you don't. What will be the consequences? Will you be fired? Will you become homeless? Will you starve? What will people think? What will the neighbours say about you? These fears don't drive me at all. I am not driven by fear because I am fearless. Yeah, I like the sound of that, I'm fearless. That's just occurred to me now. I suppose I do fear one thing though. I suppose I must fear drive because with drive comes fear.

If more people were like me then there would be less harm done in the world. People wouldn't be driven to harm. Of course, people would be less driven to help also but that wouldn't matter because people would lack the drive to care either way.

Perhaps I am just rationalising after the fact. Maybe I'm just making excuses and what I actually need is to be put on a course of drugs that will imbue me with drive. Just imagine me then, doing more than the bare minimum and sometimes even more than that. I wonder what that would be like. I'd imagine I'd be a lot more frustrated but I'd also find life more rewarding. As it stands, I don't find life rewarding or frustrating, I just find it and I can take it or leave it. I just let you lot get on with it. Do whatever you like. I am plankton. Leave me be.

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