Wednesday, March 2, 2011
MY NEW COP SHOWS!
(above: Jack Frost, had he been a meteorologist the show would have been perfect.)
I’m pitching a load of cop shows to the telly people. Original stuff with a twist. I’ve listed a few below. See what you think. . .
OLDHOUSE: Maverick police archaeologist, Ted Oldhouse uses his ability to analyse ancient cultural artefacts to solve crimes from yesteryear. (Lots of flashbacks with whooshing sounds and the screen going all white in this one.)
BUNION: Maverick police chiropodist, Don Bunion uses his podiatric skills to solve crimes with a bipedalistic basis. (Lots of stuttery camera work in this one, with frames taken out and all that type of thing)
EAT YOUR GREENS: Maverick police dietician/forensic pathologist Hannah Eatyourgreens goes through the contents of murder victim stomachs to figure out if they were poisoned etc. (She’s pretty hot and, for some strange reason, she has to go undercover as a stripper with surprising frequency. Contains slow-motion undressing.)
And here’s a few with maverick duos. . .
NEAT and TIDY: Maverick obsessive hygienists Nick Neat and Jack Tidy use their compulsive peculiarities and fine eye for detail to assist in crime scene investigations. (Contains both stuttery camera work and whooshy flashbacks but no slow-motion undressing.)
STEADY AS SHE GOES: Recently separated maverick married couple Bill Steady and Annie Goes use the experience they garnered via their dysfunctional relationship to put right spousicidal wrongs. (They still love each other but are too cautious and/or proud to admit it, which will keep viewers coming back for more in a ‘will they, won’t they’ type of way.)
WILL THEY, WON’T THEY: Maverick police rookies, Susan Willthey and Fred Wontthey are paired together to solve crimes. They are in love but too proud/cautious to confirm it and all that shite. (Just like Steady As She Goes only with a younger cast and more whooshy stuttery stuff.)
PART and PARCEL: Maverick Santa elves Bob Part and Jim Parcel use their gift wrapping skills to investigate Lapland homicides. (For kids but gritty, with loads of high-class elf prostitutes that have been strangled with ribbons.)
And here’s one for animal lovers. . .
STARS N’ STRIPES: Maverick airport sniffer dogs . . .you get the picture. (Contains sexual tension, stuttery whooshes, going undercover as strippers, and so on.)
I reckon at least one of these shows will be commissioned. I’m coming up with loads more too. Can you think of any yourself?