Sunday, December 13, 2009

Pope Expresses Shock at Murphy Report Findings

They were at the kids you say? Interfering with them like?

(Falls silent, strokes chin)

That’s Awful. Seriously now, that’s terrible altogether.
. . . I had no idea.
I mean how could you? Who’d have dreamt?
Ah no. It’s very discommoding to hear that.

(Momentarily loses self in thought)

And did no one contact the gardai no? And what happened? Were there arrests? No? That’s awful. The poor kids. No one believed them at all? . . .shocking.

(Another reflective pause. Inhales. Sits up a bit and speaks assertively)

Well, there’ll be words I’m telling you. I’m not having this carry on, oh no. This is a shocking state of affairs. Did they not listen to Jesus at all?

(Sighs. Slumps back into seat. Falls silent again, stroking chin. Mumbles something. Gets to his feet. Wanders to window. Gazes out for a spell. Produces Ten Major from pouch in robe and lights one up. Turns. Quietly asks aide to bring two more sherries. Returns to seat.)

I’ll tell you what. Leave it with me. Give us a bit of elbow room and I’ll get things back ship shape. I’ll get the lads to reconnect with the words of our saviour and that kind of thing. That should stop all the funny business. How does that sound? Have we a deal? I’m as shocked now, . . .seriously, . . .I’ll be needing this sherry I tell you.

(Gulps down sherry. Discretely nods to aide. Aide escorts everyone from the room. Puts feet up. Reaches for digital remote control. Selects Sky Sports. Watches WWE wrestling event.)

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