Wednesday, April 30, 2014


Deciding to become a civic architectural systems theorist and visionary futurist, I recently changed my name to Buckminster Fugger and wrote a book called 'How to Enjoy Eating Alone and Other Dymaxion Visions'. My aim is to continue the great Buckminster Fuller's enterprise of designing and proposing efficient, fulfilling and, most importantly, imaginative new ways of living.

The following are some of the revolutionary concepts that you will find in my book...

A city with no streets and no roads (see image above) where you get around by climbing from building to building through windows and doors or jumping from roof to roof. This will entirely eradicate traffic congestion and pavement litter.

Huge coats you can live in made from water proof mattresses with lots of deep pockets where you store your belongings/children. When exhausted, you can just fall over and fall asleep. Each coat will be its own jurisdiction with laws decided upon by you and applying to you alone.

Balloon cities. Floating municipalities where the populations live off passing seagulls and other avian comestibles that they catch in nets.

Cities of air consisting of houses made out of air. Effectively, your belongings laid out in open spaces. Heating is provided by jumpers. Air conditioning is provided by taking the jumpers off. Protection from rain is achieved when the population takes to the skies on hang gliders and congregates beneath nimbus clouds, thus preventing possessions becoming water damaged.

Houses made out of human hair. We all have hair and we often cut it or it falls out. Why not use it as a construction material? Did you know that discarded human hair covers 98000 square miles of the Earth's surface? That's a lot of houses. Instead of being painted, hair houses will be combed. This will be done with large 'house combs'.

Spherical buildings, like balls, that will be tornado proof as they will just get rolled about the place instead of blown down. Occupants will be kept level when harnessed into interior gravitationally compensatory gyroscopes.

The Double Antwerp Decker. A new Antwerp that is an exact replica of the old Antwerp and placed right on top of it. This will give us twice the Antwerp we are currently accustomed to without taking up more of Belgium's space.

Skyscraper buildings made out of stacked minivans and inhabited solely by dogs that are fed via daily deliveries of chum fired upwards with catapults.

And finally, sky cats. These vicious feral cats will be dropped from the sky to land on top of corralled criminals as a new punitive measure that replaces prison.

That is all. To know more you will have to purchase my book but, in keeping with Bucky Fuller's avant-gardeism, my book is actually not a book at all but a bottled scent that you inhale. However, once you breathe it in you die, thus doing your bit for population reduction and avoiding the impending Malthusian catastrophe going forward.

No comments: