Sunday, August 7, 2011
A concerned mother brought her child to see me. I diagnosed the child as suffering from A-Typical Syndrome. I prescribed Humzadrone to regulate the symptoms: refusal to go to bed, demanding ice-cream, not taking an interest in school, excessive displays of imagination. I have shares in the company that produces Humzadrone and these shares are performing well. That to me means the drug is popular and if a drug is popular it is popular because it works. I also golf with a director from the company and, despite his fondness for cocaine and inability to talk about anything but himself, he seems a straightforward type of chap who wouldn’t muck people about. That’s my opinion anyway. My professional opinion.
Humzadrone suppresses the causes of A-Typical Syndrome but sadly it has a side effect, listlessness. To counter this I prescribed Zibotrex to the child. Unfortunately Zibotrex has its own side effect, facial ticks. To prevent the facial ticks I prescribed Lugnoxathol which unfortunately causes paranoia so to make sure that didn’t take hold, I prescribed Gaxadril but that causes blurry vision so to make sure the kid’s eyesight wasn’t effected, I prescribed Nanodrexodonk which causes migraines so to prevent the migraines I prescribed Condrox which has the side effect of seizures so to prevent that possibility I prescribed Poxodine which has been known to cause dysentery so to nip that in the bud I prescribed Qwackzadrex which brings with it the side effect of A-Typical Syndrome, but the kid had that anyway so it doesn’t matter.
All of the drugs mentioned above are manufactured by the company mentioned above that has the coke snorting director mentioned above. These drugs must be good because the company’s share prices remain up as does my mood. I don’t need any drugs to make me feel chipper. All I have to do is check my investment portfolio.
Anyway, there’s a four ball planned for Thursday afternoon. I think I’ll tell Daphne (34-26-34) to cancel my appointments and close up early. The kids will still be sick the following morning and I can make them better then.
Oh, and here’s a lovely children’s story you can tell your kids before you bring them out my way for a top quality dosage: