Tuesday, February 15, 2011


Would a non-violent take over of this country bother you? Sure what’s a country anyway but a bit of ground we walk around on? It’d still be there no matter who owns it.

Would it matter if the invaders took everything - assets, services, profits? You wouldn’t have any say but would it really matter because when did you ever have a say?

You would still get to vote for leaders and, although they wouldn’t be making any actual decisions, the real decision makers would let them appear by their sides in photo opportunities and give the impression that they hold some kind of influence, which they wouldn’t but who cares?

Twice a decade we’d have little vote pageants where the candidates dress up and have arguments about things like litter and so on. We’d vote for them for vague reasons like ‘well, he seems the most assured’ and ‘I like the way he maintains eye contact’. We could enjoy similarly insightful media punditry and colourful poll graphics on children’s programmes like The Eleventh Hour. It’d be fun. We’d get to let off a bit of steam. It’d be like those festivals we observe. The ones that are based on ancient pagan rituals we’ve all forgotten the purpose of but still celebrate anyway.

Wouldn’t that be good enough for you? I mean, when you think about it, you’d be liberated of responsibility. Responsibility is an awful pain in the hole. Do you remember the happy days of your childhood when you had no responsibilities? Summer went on forever. Do you remember? Everything was left up to Mammy and Daddy and when anything grown up was happening they closed the door and spoke about it in hushed tones while you sat happily in front of the telly in the other room. It’d be like that.

‘Now, little Jimmy, your Daddy has made a wee mistake and we’re going to have to live in a van for a while but don’t worry because it’s a magic van and we’re going to have a lot of fun.’

Having the impression of something is as good as having the actual thing itself. It’s called pretending and it’s great. You knew that when you were little and you are about to discover it again. Sure, what does it matter if your country gets taken over/you end up living in a van? You can still be happy. It all depends on how you approach it. OK, got that? Good. Now shut up and go to bed. Your Mammy and Daddy have things to talk about.


Puredaft said...

Yay ! A magic van! And can I have a unicorn too, I promise I'll mind her really good and clean up the poo and everything, pleeease. I'm going to call my unicorn Sally!


"I was going to protest but then didn't want to make a fuss and thought it best to make a cuppa tea instead, sure it'll all be grand" - Mrs Ni'Bother.