WRONG ABOUT EVERYTHING

There's tremendous relief to be found upon discovering that you were wrong about everything. It's initially jarring, sure, but after that there is a sense of great excitement that everything is up for rediscovery. The boredom of thinking you had it all figured out and things would always be thus vanishes and the world begins again. It's like the reboot of some franchise. It would be good for our jaded species to have such an epiphany, communally. It would both invigorate us and cut us down to size. It would unite us in confusion as we drop our respective dogmas. All that is required is for something remarkable to happen. Something that causes such a paradigm shift that it shifts all the other paradigms into obsolescence. What we need is an inexplicable event. An event that defies all scientific understanding and proves both the existence and nonexistence of God at the same time. What could such an event be?

I've never told anyone what I'm about to tell you now. When I was a child, myself and my brother had an argument in our garden. I can't remember what the row was about but we soon stopped fighting when our dog got up on a Triumph 20 and started cycling around the lawn. We never had a disagreement again after that. Everything seemed trivial. That dog brought peace to our household and rebooted both our realities. Maybe the dogs of the world should do similar, at some synchronised time. Some quiet afternoon as people go about their business and international tensions simmer and the rich rip off the poor and people kneel to God and families dine in silence. Imagine the collective gasp if the dogs of the world suddenly mounted whatever bike was nearest and started peddling about and maybe even doing the odd wheelie. World news would broadcast identical events as they occurred globally. Then, as suddenly as they got on the bikes, the dogs would dismount and one would look straight into a television camera and say, 'there now, what do you humans make of that? That's softened your cough for you hasn't it?' And indeed, at last and long overdue, humanity's cough would be softened. The dogs of the world would then resume acting thick and never explain what happened and we'd all be left as we should be, humbled but curious and feeling very much alive. Set free of certainty and happy to be wrong about everything.

SUCH SIMPLE THINGS

(pictured – our simple man in simpler times ...with a simple general)

I hear that he is a man of little want, just a few simple necessities, an exemplar of simplicity. A simple man who sleeps in a simple bed and cooks at a humble stove. A humble man, an advocate of humility. Not one for largesses or adornment or any of that, he is just a simple man with a simple cross around his his simple neck. I heard a story, an anecdote, that stood to his unostentatious nature. He once wanted a cup of tea but instead of asking some woman to make it he took to his feet, crossed the room to where the kettle was, and made it himself. Yes, he made his own tea. He made his own tea that day and drank it from a modest clay cup. He imbibed the tea, silently enjoying the beverage, and when he was finished he took to his feet once more and crossed the room. Observers did not know where he was going but it was toward the sink that he was headed. He reached the sink and placed the cup into it and ran the tap, rinsing the cup beneath the flowing water. He then placed the cup on a draining board that lay to one side of the sink and he left it there to dry. He did all these things and he did them himself. It was not some woman or drudge that did these things for him.

He travels on public transport too I hear. No chauffeur or the like for him, no, just change for the bus or a tram or some such. Unlike the man whose name he took, he indulges the modest comfort of wearing shoes upon his feet but I hear that he puts these shoes on himself and also removes them. Yes, he does all this himself. He does not get some woman or skivvy to do it. He puts on and takes off his own shoes. Who amongst us can say that? Who amongst us can claim to not just put on but also remove our own shoes? Not I. The Mother does that for me as I am sure your mother does for you, or your wife, or some woman.

I heard too of a time he encountered a child. He encountered a child upon a back road in Buenos Aires and he did not fondle that child. I heard there was no one about, at least not many, and despite this the child remained completely unmolested. Who amongst us, in all truthfulness, could say they would have passed up such an opportunity? A vulnerable child, alone, a tender seductive peach. Can we claim that we too would not have taken 'a bite'?

Indeed the Holy Ghost chose wisely on the 13^th of the 3^rd 2013. The Holy Ghost chose wisely via the conscientious consciousnesses of that conclave of noble men as they selected the conduit by which the divine will be known upon this material plane. This conclave of men acted on behalf of the Holy Spirit. They took this duty upon themselves. They did not ask some woman to do it. Indeed, there were no women present. Women are not even permitted into the chamber as the choice is made. Just men, men who selflessly surrender themselves to God's will. These men selected the right man and now that man shall lead us all. He shall lead us all and he alone shall lead us. He will not ask some woman to do it. Indeed, no woman will ever do it, they are not allowed, but they can follow, and wait, and serve. Yes, if they be asked, women can serve but they will not be asked by him for he is a simple man who does things himself. He will make his own tea and put on his own shoes and he will lead his flock further into the 21^st century. He will do this and he will do this himself, unaided by some woman or drudge or skivvy, for he is a simple man. Yes, he is a simple man of simple means and simple belief and he will simply lead his simpletons and they will simply follow, even the women and the tender seductive peaches that are the children.

And what of those who simply will not follow his simple path? Well, it is worth remembering that this is a simple man who helped a simple dictator make people simply disappear. But shush, for this is a happy time and we simply will not hear speak of such simple things.