PASSING THE BABY

'Passing the baby' was the chief custom of the Hahananawup people. A Hahananawup child would be born and held and caressed by its mother before being passed to its father who would cuddle the infant and then pass it to its grandparents who would cradle the little one before passing it to its uncles and aunts who would display affection in the usual way and then pass the newborn to cousins who would say 'ahh would you look the darlin little thing' or whatever before passing it to their friends who would show an obligatory amount of enthusiasm before passing the baby to friends of theirs who would display customary endearment and then pass the youngster to others who, by this stage, would be complete strangers to the infant's parents. The baby would continue to be passed from one person to another until it vanished from the lives of its mother and father completely, not to be seen again for at least four decades.

This would happen with every baby born into Hahananawup society, resulting in a whole population of people passing each other around. Of course, as a baby grew to adulthood the reactions of those it was passed to would change. Instead of pinching the baby's cheeks and saying 'coochie coochie coo', the Hahananawup people would offer polite conversation and ask the former baby how things are going or maybe say something about the weather.

It is thought that the custom of passing the baby brought about the end of the Hahananawup people. Hahananawups were not able to incorporate careers into their lives of being passed around so any chance of forming even the most rudimentary economy was remote. Consumption of food must have been difficult too but that matters little when one considers that there was no food to consume. Farming and hunting were close to impossible for a people being perpetually passed around and passing around others, to say nothing of attempts at procreation. The Hahananawup civilisation was a short lived one. As a people, they were just a throng of bodies jumping in and out of each other's arms, growing weaker all the time and suffering from the contagious conditions that the baby passing tradition facilitated. It is thought that the Hahananawup people only survived for two generations after adopting the custom of baby passing. We can work out what happened from the records of other societies who observed the Hahananawup at the time and from the remains of the Hahananawup themselves. Ah yes, ...the remains. A troglodyte city, empty but for a meshed heap of skeletons. The birds don't sing in the home of the Hahananawup but the wind whistles eerily as it moves through that colossal lattice of bones.

When the Hahananawup people and their custom of 'passing the baby' comes to mind, we are forced to consider the consequences of doing something just because everyone else is doing it. Some of our most treasured and adhered to customs might too be nothing more than really really really dumb fucking ideas. I suppose that's the moral of the story. Not that stories should have morals. Stories should just make people think and let them decide for themselves. But that's a story for another day. Until then, keep passing the baby.

And now a short film...

SANTA'S SLAY

The sun calls and the grass beckons and the children run into the fields to play as they do and as they must and the children get blown to bits by land mines planted by adults.

And great gifts fall from the sky as if from Santa's sleigh and they whistle as they plummet toward the earth where they kill children as they do and as they must because adults always know what's for the best.

'Thank you Daddy' say the charred remains, the scattered limbs, the ashes and the blood stains. And a monument is built so no one will forget but life goes on and the children ask 'is it Christmas yet?'

The children can't wait to see what they're going to get. A toy gun, a toy tank, a model army jet with which to play at killing as they do and as they must,

just like the adults in whom they place their trust.

SUCH SIMPLE THINGS

(pictured – our simple man in simpler times ...with a simple general)

I hear that he is a man of little want, just a few simple necessities, an exemplar of simplicity. A simple man who sleeps in a simple bed and cooks at a humble stove. A humble man, an advocate of humility. Not one for largesses or adornment or any of that, he is just a simple man with a simple cross around his his simple neck. I heard a story, an anecdote, that stood to his unostentatious nature. He once wanted a cup of tea but instead of asking some woman to make it he took to his feet, crossed the room to where the kettle was, and made it himself. Yes, he made his own tea. He made his own tea that day and drank it from a modest clay cup. He imbibed the tea, silently enjoying the beverage, and when he was finished he took to his feet once more and crossed the room. Observers did not know where he was going but it was toward the sink that he was headed. He reached the sink and placed the cup into it and ran the tap, rinsing the cup beneath the flowing water. He then placed the cup on a draining board that lay to one side of the sink and he left it there to dry. He did all these things and he did them himself. It was not some woman or drudge that did these things for him.

He travels on public transport too I hear. No chauffeur or the like for him, no, just change for the bus or a tram or some such. Unlike the man whose name he took, he indulges the modest comfort of wearing shoes upon his feet but I hear that he puts these shoes on himself and also removes them. Yes, he does all this himself. He does not get some woman or skivvy to do it. He puts on and takes off his own shoes. Who amongst us can say that? Who amongst us can claim to not just put on but also remove our own shoes? Not I. The Mother does that for me as I am sure your mother does for you, or your wife, or some woman.

I heard too of a time he encountered a child. He encountered a child upon a back road in Buenos Aires and he did not fondle that child. I heard there was no one about, at least not many, and despite this the child remained completely unmolested. Who amongst us, in all truthfulness, could say they would have passed up such an opportunity? A vulnerable child, alone, a tender seductive peach. Can we claim that we too would not have taken 'a bite'?

Indeed the Holy Ghost chose wisely on the 13^th of the 3^rd 2013. The Holy Ghost chose wisely via the conscientious consciousnesses of that conclave of noble men as they selected the conduit by which the divine will be known upon this material plane. This conclave of men acted on behalf of the Holy Spirit. They took this duty upon themselves. They did not ask some woman to do it. Indeed, there were no women present. Women are not even permitted into the chamber as the choice is made. Just men, men who selflessly surrender themselves to God's will. These men selected the right man and now that man shall lead us all. He shall lead us all and he alone shall lead us. He will not ask some woman to do it. Indeed, no woman will ever do it, they are not allowed, but they can follow, and wait, and serve. Yes, if they be asked, women can serve but they will not be asked by him for he is a simple man who does things himself. He will make his own tea and put on his own shoes and he will lead his flock further into the 21^st century. He will do this and he will do this himself, unaided by some woman or drudge or skivvy, for he is a simple man. Yes, he is a simple man of simple means and simple belief and he will simply lead his simpletons and they will simply follow, even the women and the tender seductive peaches that are the children.

And what of those who simply will not follow his simple path? Well, it is worth remembering that this is a simple man who helped a simple dictator make people simply disappear. But shush, for this is a happy time and we simply will not hear speak of such simple things.