Wednesday, June 15, 2011


Imagine there is only one library in the whole wide world and in that library is every book in existence. Now imagine that this library is invisible to the human eye. The library is completely invisible to humans with the exception of one book. A solitary book can be seen standing on the unseeable shelves. Now imagine that you are in the invisible library and you see the book. You pick it up and start reading. You think it’s a great book and even start making notes in the margin. Meanwhile, the rest of the library is watching you. It knows that its shelves are full of books. Better books than the one you are reading. In fact, it knows that the book you’re reading is amongst the worst on its shelves. It’s a chick lit thing by some floozy that presents afternoon television but you think it’s great because you know no better and have nothing to compare it to. This tragedy is not your fault. You did not choose the book deliberately. It was the only one you could see because the rest of the library resides in a realm beyond human sensory perception. You can’t help it that you can only see one book and you can’t help it if that book is rubbish. That is worthy of pity. That is forgivable. What is unforgivable though is that in this one book that you can see and read, in this one book that you think is the only book in existence, there is a bibliography. It’s at the back. You never thought to look and that is unforgivable because if you did you would at least realise that there must other books in existence. It’s written there, in your book. But you don’t think to look because you are so absorbed in the crappy narrative that makes up the rest of the pages. You don’t think to look because you want to get to the end of your shitty book and discover what it all meant. But when you get to the end of the book you realise that it has no meaning and you close the book and then you drop dead and turn to dust and so does the book and the rest of the library has long stopped caring and doesn’t even notice.

And so it seems that the meaning of life is that life has no meaning and the human race is alone in the Universe because the human race is reading the wrong book. I should know reader, because I’ve just snorted three bottles of Tipp-Ex thinner. Tipp-Ex thinner is the true route the wisdom. That’s why they banned it. They don’t want you seeing the library. They don’t want you reading the invisible books.


barrymore said...

I used to be afraid of spiders. Dirty things sneaking about I thought. Then one day, I was sat on the toilet and there was a spider next to me in the sink. Quite a big one as it goes. It was trying to crawl up the bowl but kept slipping. I just sat there watching - he looked done in – then I thought, he’s in need of a bit of help. I thought he’s just trying to get along and he’s slipped into a trap. So I got some bog roll and rolled it down to him and he was up and over in a jiffy. Cheered me up to see that. Ever since I always look out for spiders in trouble

Fugger said...

I've been to Leeds.