Monday, October 12, 2009
GREENS WILL NEGOTIATE WITH MASSIVE SPIDER GODDESS
In the hopes of implementing some of their policies, the Green Party recently spoke of a possible coalition between themselves and spider Goddess Nyx. 'As it stands Nyx has no mandate, if we make her seem credible then maybe we can get something positive in return,' said John Gormley at the Green Party conference last week. 'Let's face it,' he continued, 'she's hardly any worse for the nation than FF.'
In consultation with the interesting thinkers that comprise their party membership, the Greens have made a list of rock bottom terms which would absolutely have to be included in a programme for government should one be formed with the telekinetic, genocidal, horrifyingly large, arachnid, spectral freak.
The terms are as follows. . .
1: Vending machines that serve organically sourced vegetarian quiche to be installed in all significant locations of social interaction around the country.
2: The state issue an apology to badgers for the part it played in leaving the cruel pastime of baiting go unaddressed.
3: A monument to bikes and the people who cycle them to be erected outside the General Post Office.
4: A proposal be made to European Parliament that harsh economic sanctions be brought against the French for their rampant consumption of escargots.
5: That the constitution be altered so as to recognise creatures and animals as 'forest, field and kennel dwelling individuals of other species'.
6: That loud lorries stop travelling through Dublin South-East.
In response to this proposal, Nyx mummified a Green Party delegation in webbing, sucked them dry of essential fluids and hung their petrified husks from the railings of Government buildings going forward.