FUGGER'S I'M OFFENDED APP

(Pictured: You wouldn't wipe your arse with it!

Courtesy of Doctor Dracula of the JPRBDF)

If tweeting and Facebooking your outrage isn't providing enough catharsis, why not download Fugger's I'm Offended App? You just give it a click and the fact that you've taken offence about something (anything at all, knock yourself out) will be forwarded to the offenders in question as well as rigorous thinkers that write blogs and op-ed pieces, tyrants, elected representatives, tyrannical elected representatives and advocacy groups and organisations of various secular/religious/left/right leanings. You'll be surprised at the new friends you can make when you're offended. Leftist secularists will find themselves alongside right leaning religious types and death cult extremists when they join forces to fight those who've done something offensive. 

It is through the taking of offence that we will eventually find unity. The only demographic to be left out of the loop will be those that offended us and it doesn't matter about them anyway because they'll probably all be murdered by that stage. It should be pointed out that such murders should not be condoned. Not at all. Not at all at all at all. Fugger Apps does not condone murder and does not want to facilitate the condoning of murder. We'd prefer it if you just downloaded the app and used that to register the permanent sense of outrage that defines us as rational and considerate human beings. That way you can avoid condoning murder and just insinuate that perhaps some murders are worse than others. 

Download Fugger's 'I'm Offended App' today and be 'App'-alled!

RAZORLIGHT

(pictured: Johnny Razorlight overwhelming himself)

Do you remember Razorlight, do you? They were great, weren't they? Do you remember the singer? Johnny Razorlight I think he was called. Do you remember him? And the songs. Do you remember all the songs they had? They had about six or seven of them and they'd do them on telly. Do you remember the one about America? It was kind of ambiguous. It had ambiguity, which is a thing that makes it hard to tell what it means but you know it means something because Johnny Razorlight looks like he really means it. You weren't sure if he loved America or hated America or had even ever been to America but, y'know, America.

Do you remember how Johnny Razorlight took his shirt off? That was great when he took his shirt off. It meant he was ready to get down to business, like when you're putting up a shed in the garden or something and you take off your shirt. Putting up a shed in a sexy way. You'd be watching Razorlight and they'd be doing songs and you'd be thinking this is our generation's Dylan or Clash and the kids would raise their hands and girls would be crying and there'd be songs. Do you remember waving the college scarves around and caring about things? Caring yeah, that was the feeling. That or something like it. It was moving anyway. Do you remember being moved? You'd get the tickets and all pile into the stadium and get the shit moved out of you.

Whatever happened to Razorlight though? They represented a whole era, didn't they? The hippies had Jimi Hendrix and acid, but we had Johnny Razorlight and apps. It was the beginning of something. I'm not sure what it was the beginning of, but it was the beginning of something, wasn't it? Something kind of real. It felt real. It felt like something realish. Razorlight represented our era. Them and Keane and other bands with songs. They all had songs and we listened to them and they were songs. They were our songs. They were certainly songs anyway. I'm certain of that. They'd always turn up in ads for Vodafone, capturing the Zeitgeist. I wonder what happened to Razorlight. They weren't around all that long, were they? The light that burns twice as bright burns half as long type of thing. I wonder will they ever reform. Maybe they never split up or did they die? Maybe they are dead like Pete Doherty from Block Party. Who knows? But we have the memories, right? I'll never forget the songs and them doing them and all that. It was great. Great days! I just want to say thanks to Snow Patrol, I mean Klaxons, I mean Razorlight for the memories.

...or am I thinking about The Killers?