Friday, November 29, 2013


You love things don't you? I've seen you, picking things up, looking at them and saying 'ooh, what lovely things'. Hallowed be thy things. You're a thing lover.

You're a thing lover and that suits me fine because I am going to give you things. I am going to give you things you really like and then I am going to threaten to take those things away from you again. That way, you will do whatever I say. 'Please, please, not my things', you'll beg before complying with whatever demand I make of you. You will do whatever I say because that way you will get to keep your things.

And you'll go about the world speaking of your things and comparing your things and belittling those without things and criticising them for wanting your things. And you will die and you will become ghosts and you will wander the earth wailing out to be reunited with your things. ‘Wheeeerrrrre aaaarrrrrreeee mmmmmmyyyyy thhhiiiiiiinnngs?’ And all the while, all during this lifetime and beyond, all during the time you spend thinging, you will never realise that these things were chains and that I put them on you and told you they were gifts. 

I'll never forget how you thanked me.


Draculasaurus said...

You know, the thing is, these "doorbuster" people who are lined up outside of Walmart at 3:30 in the morning; They're all kooks. The kookiness doesn't start when they're elbowing and eye gouging for toaster ovens- It starts with the decision to get up that early to save a few dollars on christmas presents.
Every year I see these images and everyone says "Oh, look what we've come to as a society."
I don't think this says anything about us except that we tolerate real fucking kooks walking among us.
Real wild kooks!
We don't lock people up for being completely unhinged, you actually have to be violent to get locked away.
I think that's the lesson here, that's how future generations will see us.

Fugger said...

Future generations will see these doorbusters as 'can do' people who were not ashamed to go out there and try their darned hardest to get what they wanted from life/the shops. Goddamit, they work hard and they want a flatscreen!

They are just a less covert version of the rest of us. We leave our debris and indignity abroad in the landfills of Accra.

The doorbusting thing isn't anything new though, as in the last few decades. Do you remember the Cabbage Patch Doll carnage?

And the London riots seemed to be capitalised on by 'can do' people on the look out for a 'bargain'.

Just the other day I myself elbowed a mother of two small children in the ribs because she was taking too long at the Slush Puppy machine.


Products ...they just have this hold over me.