Monday, September 9, 2013


There once was a little boy who loved words so much he spent all his time in the forest of words, where words grew instead of trees. The little boy would pick words from the forest and press them into his little book where they made lovely patterns and formed sentences and paragraphs. One day the little boy got lost in the forest of words. It was a very confusing place and he could not find his way out. The little boy's beloved words were not much help. Some of the words said 'come this way' and other words from a different direction said 'no little boy, come this way'. Some other words that were in the forest didn't make much sense at all but the words that did make sense seemed to want the little boy to go in circles, around and around and around, forever. The little boy knew that he could not rely on the words to get him out of the forest. 'If I follow the words I will never get out of here and I might die', said the little boy to himself. The little boy felt betrayed by the words that he loved. He was very upset and missed his family and his dog very much.

Then the little boy had a very clever idea. 'I know', said the little boy to himself. 'I will leave a trail of shite and that way I will know if I am retracing my steps and going back into the forest'. Then the clever little boy pulled down his britches and deposited a tiny shite on the forest floor. The little boy continued to do this as he made his way through the forest. When he saw a shite or smelt one nearby, the little boy knew he had doubled back on himself and he would change direction. The little boy did not run out of shite because as he made his way through the forest the little boy picked and ate the words that grew there. Then the little boy would shite out the digested words, a bit like most people do when they are talking but the little boy made the shite come out of his little bottom instead of letting a load of shite pour out of his mouth.

The little boy eventually found that he was not in the forest of words anymore. This was not because the little boy had found his way out, oh no. This was because the little boy had eaten all the words in the forest and turned the forest into a big heap of shite that the little boy stood atop. This was the biggest heap of shite that ever was and from the top of it the little boy could look out upon the whole world. From where he was standing, the little boy could see words everywhere, telling people to do this and that and confusing them and playing tricks on them. The little boy called out to warn the people below but it was no use. The little boy could not be heard from way up on the mountain of shite that had all come out of his clever little bottom. This made the little boy sad and he began to cry. The little boy cried and cried and his tears made the shite soft and the little boy began to sink into it. 'Oh no', said the little boy, 'I am being swallowed up by my own shite', and so he was and the little boy was never seen alive again.

The mountain of shite then calcified in the hot sun and became so hard and stiff that the people of the world were able to build upon it. The people built a library on the shite and named it after the little boy who had vanished to where they knew not. They put all kinds of books in the library that had all kinds of words in them that said all kinds of confusing things. Little did the people know that the little boy would not have liked this because the little boy had learned not trust words and had decided that even shite is more dependable; as long as the shite doesn't go soft and swallow you up.

One day, the little boy's dog was sniffing around the mountain of shite and began digging a hole in it. The little boy's dog then discovered the little boy's skeleton and started to chew on the bones until the little boy's father discovered the dog and shot it in disgust. Then the little boy's father wept over the little boy's remains and later he wrote a book about the little boy's life and the book was full of words and do you know what readers? Yes, that's right. The book was a load of shite.

The End!

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