I’m going to give a lecture. I hope you’re seated comfortably because I am going to give a lecture right now. A lecture that will change the way you think. A lecture that will be of tremendous benefit, life changing benefit, to you and everyone else on this planet. It is fair to say that the lecture you are about to hear will bring about a new paradigm in human experience. Excited? You should be. Now, to begin… ahem.
Since the dawn of humanity… hold on, sorry the power point has gone a bit wonky. Now, let’s see. OK, OK, I think that’s it. Right. We’re set. I’ll start again. Since the daw… No, that’s not it. It shouldn’t be showing that. Just bear with me a moment and… now let’s see what’s happening here. Hmm. OK. OK, that’s not the solution. Perhaps if I …no. This always happens. Sorry about this. I usually sort it out. If I can just remember …hmm. Hmmmm. Does anyone know where Clive went? He’s very good with these contraptions. Clive? Clive, are you still here? No. No, he seems to have gone. Well, I’ll just soldier on and see if I can fix it myself eh? Heh heh. Yes. Soldier on. Now, let’s see. Hmm. Oh no. Oh damn it. Damn it to Hell. Why does this always happen with these things? What was the matter with the overhead projector or slides, blackboards even? Who thought these power point things were a good idea? Clive? CLIVE! CLIVE! For God’s sake, they invite me out and… look forget it. We’ll do the lecture without the visuals. Right. Right so, let’s get started. Ahem, since the daw… damn. I can’t do this. I’ve prepared the whole talk around the bloody pictures. CLIVE! CLIVE! For God’s sake why did he wander off like that? I swear to God that man is the most… I mean really. I mean bloody hell, I’m trying to change the world for the better here, you’d think fate or God or whatever it is would cut me some slack. Oh forget it. Forget the bloody power point. Look, I take it everyone is familiar with my work so we’ll do a Q and A instead. How about that? Is everyone familiar with my work to date? No? None of you? None of you are familiar with my work? Really? Seriously? Well, what are you… I mean, why are you here? Is this some kind of joke? Christ. This is worse than that Bioenergetics Conference at the University of Freiburg. At least the power point worked for a few minutes at that. Clive wasn’t around to help me then either. Too busy shagging some empty headed postgrad behind his wife’s back I’d expect. Have you met Clive’s wife? Annabel. Lovely woman. Don’t know how she puts up with him. Anyway, I think we’ll forget about this talk. We’ll just call it quits will we? I badly need a drink at this stage and, to be perfectly honest, I really couldn’t give a damn if your lives change for the better or not. I really couldn’t give a shit. I’ll keep my knowledge for those who could be bothered to read my books or at least check out my ideas online. I mean, it doesn’t require a monstrous amount of curiosity to Google a man’s name does it? No. No it fuckin doesn’t. So, I’ll keep my paradigm shifting revelations to myself and you lot can remain unenlightened and sit here waiting for fucking Clive to come back so you can watch me stick this power point piece of crap right up his fucking hole. How does that sound? How’s that for a new paradigm in human experience?