Wednesday, January 25, 2012


You are always looking at things aren’t you? Looking at things and taking them in. Looking at things you don’t own. Absorbing these things into your brain-box and processing them for your own pleasure. It’s kind of theft when you think about it. It is though. Imagine if you had a garden, a nice garden, and you grew it so it could be enjoyed by yourself and your family. Now, imagine some fella comes along, some fly by night how do you do Johnny come lately cock of the walk, and he starts looking at your garden and enjoying it and having a sniff at the roses and there’s you, sat there like a massive eejit, paying the mortgage and along comes Mr. Fella Me Lad, eyeing the place up and getting his aesthetic jollies. It’d be a bit like him coming up and mauling the wife. It’d be like him having a good grope of your missus and there’d be you, the man who bought the wedding ring, cuckolded out of it. Not only would it be hurtful and a bit disturbing, it would be an infringement of your copyright. I mean, what is the garden/wife owner expected to do? Cover the lawn in tarpaulin and the wife in a burka?

I don’t think going around grabbing an eye-full of this and that is really on. Going around pointing your eyes everywhere all willy nilly and Devil may care and hang the consequences is nothing more than a kind of cognitive shoplifting spree. Everything belongs to someone and if it doesn’t it should because otherwise it’s a waste of resources. That is why I, Fugger, the people’s blogger, propose an eye tax. If you're going to use your eyes in such an irresponsible manner, looking at all sorts, you can bloody well pay for those all sorts. If you don’t want to pay the tax, or are too lazy to get a job to pay the tax, you can apply for blinkers. These blinkers will be sent to your home with a map of designated free viewing areas, like the footpath or the sky. That way you can go around the place and not be blaming anyone for falling over or having things drop on your head and demanding compensation.

The money from the eye tax will be taken and evenly distributed amongst those that have made the effort to work hard and own the environment. Well, the money will either be used for that or used to pay off the money we borrowed to bail out the bondholders and risk takers without whom there would be no environment to enjoy because they have money and money makes the world go around.

OK, that’s all I have to say on the issue, now get out of my sight. I’m not prepared to cough up any of my hard earned cash to pay for looking at your freeloading physiognomy.

No comments: