They say you can’t exceed the speed of light but that’s a load of shite. I’ve designed a bus that can do it. They say that if you were to exceed the speed of light you'd arrive at your destination before you even set off. Well, that’s what my bus can do.
‘How can this be Mr. Fugger?’ I hear you cry out in disbelief. Let me explain. Let’s imagine you want to get to Coleraine from Cobh and you need to be there now. Well, my bus can be in both places at the same time, like an electron or something. You see, my bus is so very very long that, when parked, the back of it could be in Cobh while the front of it is in Coleraine. My bus is so fast it arrives at its destination before you even start the engine. In fact, there’s no need to start the engine. Once you hop on at Cobh you’re there in Coleraine. All you have to do is get to the front of the bus from the back. That part might take a while. You might have to get off again and get another bus or bring a motorbike onboard and drive it up the aisle. Still, you have to admit, quickest bus in the world. Quicker than a neutrino even.
I’ve patented the details and Bus Éireann has expressed interest.