Sunday, July 24, 2011


(pictured above: Earnest Borgnine, he was in the dream too)

I had a mad dream last night and you were in it. You. Yes you. We were in a small aircraft and you were the pilot and you were dressed up like a Chinaman for some reason, kind of like Fu Manchu or something with a fake droopy moustache, and you said, ‘it’s time to land’ and put us into a tailspin and we crashed in a forest but we were OK and got out of the aircraft and saw the house you grew up in in the middle of the forest and you said ‘it must be Christmas’ and then your mam came out to meet us but it was Earnest Borgnine dressed up as your mam with an apron on and he was acting weird and freaking me out a bit so I said I wanted to go home and Earnest/your mam said we’d have to use the raft.

Then we were in the raft going down the river Liffy and we saw plastic cider bottles floating by with tiny people inside them like submarine crews or the staff members of a strange hospital or something and they waved at us and then the river led out into an Amazonian expanse and shafts of dim golden sunlight spilled down on us from gaps in the lush vegetation above us and birds swooped silently in the dusky sky above the lush vegetation and there was this music in the air. . .

And you looked quite lovely in the Fu Manchu gear so I placed an arm around your waist but you wriggled out of my embrace and smiled at me and it was a sweet rejection and I thought you were right because the moment was perfect and didn’t need anything else and then we arrived at Bewley’s café and you were old and so was I and you wore a cardigan and a large Celtic broach and you were called Agnes and it was the late seventies and we went into Bewley’s and you had sausages, beans and chips and a pot of tea and when you were finished you sat back and lit up a cigarette because you could smoke in cafes back then and then you said we better get back because The Bionic Woman would be starting soon and I asked you if The Bionic Woman was a euphemism for sex and you just looked away and shook your head slightly and I knew you were right because the moment was perfect and didn’t need anything else and then I realised that I was growing tired of all these perfect moments and then we went and bought a pack of Fox’s Glacier Mints and shared them on the bus home and then I woke up in a stranger’s garden and a dog was barking and it was drizzling rain and a bewildered child was staring at me and I was very hung-over and asked the child for a glass of water and she screamed and then I woke up again and I was lying on a beach and I heard a buzzing and opened my eyes and they went cock-eyed because there was a huge wasp on my nose and I hissed at it to go away but it didn’t and the sun went down and came up again and went down again and came up again loads of times because days were passing and I knew winter would soon be here and the wasp would die and fall off my nose and I’d be free to go looking for you again.

Then I did wake up, I woke up properly, and I wasn’t even me, I was you and it was your dream and I was just in it and, you know, I reckon you’re a bit weird to be honest.


Superhilbo! said...

best ranty thing yet. :)

barrymore said...

Well...I think it’s the hot spell to be honest. I think it all comes down to weather. Hot nights. The other night I dreamt I was in a desert and it was raining Arabs. As they dropped from the sky to their deaths I was running about trying to dodge them. That led me to an internet site all about Islamic Dreams. Apparently people falling form the sky can have various meanings but generally it means somethings decidedly off;

Storm - If one sees a huge tornado or a tropical storm carrying people, trees, homes, or cattle in the air to scatter them over its path of destruction, then it represents a major plague, or a calamity affecting that region

Now I had the dream in Walton-onThames - so you’ve to allow for that - but it could mean they’re in for a bit of choppy weather over the next while or even a bus strike.

I’ve had a look into your dream about an old lady and here’s what it says...

Old woman - In a dream, an old woman represents the ending of one's life in this world, sorrows, the hereafter, wine, or bearing children after having lost hope in one's fertility. An old woman in a dream also could represent deceit, cunningness, duplicity, backbiting, or slander. Seeing an old and sick woman in a dream may mean impotence, weakness, or disability. Seeing a thirsty old woman in a dream means drought. If she turns into a young girl in the dream, then she represents rain. If one is engaged in an important project and sees himself sleeping with an old woman in a dream, it means that his project will not succeed. An old woman in a dream also represents non-arable land. If one sees her wearing a veil in the dream, it means that he will meet with hardships and regret. If one sees an ugly old woman, or a hag in a dream, it means adversities and war. An unknown old woman in a dream also represents a bad crop for that year. If one sees an old woman descending from the skies and people are wondering about her, she represents the passing year. An emaciated old woman in a dream represents a year of drought. If she gains weight and turns beautiful in the dream, she represents changes in the weather conditions, bringing a prosperous and a happy end for the farmers in that year. An ostentatious old woman in a dream represents a prosperous life, or good news that will arrive shortly. If she looks frowning or unhappy in the dream, then she represents distress and loss of prestige. If she looks ugly in the dream, she represents facing adverse conditions. If she is naked in the dream, she represents a scandal. If an old woman enters a house in a dream, it means prosperity and business success and if she leaves a house in the dream, it means the opposite. An unknown old woman in a dream has a stronger connotation than a known old woman. If one sees himself frequenting an old woman in a dream, his dream denotes his attachment to worldly gains. If an old woman who passed her menopause sees herself in a dream experiencing her menstrual period again and regaining her sexual drive, and if she sees herself engaged in sexual intercourse in the dream, it means that she will become religious and have strong material and spiritual success in her life if her sexual intercourse in the dream is marital intercourse and of a lawful nature. Otherwise, if it is unlawful, then it represents her attachment to worldly gains and neglects for her spiritual values. If a young woman sees herself being an old woman in a dream, it means that she will prosper and have a successful marital life.

Ernest Borgnine wasn’t covered

Fugger said...

Not mentioning Borgnine is a real oversight. He's the fifth most dreamt about celebrity according to Psychic Stars magazine.