Sunday, April 10, 2011

The LOL Equation.

(pictured above: Fugger's lovely staff at work generating gags)

I really want to keep this blog regular but it’s hard work at times so I’ve invented a machine that generates posts. It’s a kind of quantum computer that works on the basis of a system I call The LOL Equation. It’s pretty smart, if I don’t mind saying so myself. I like to think of these generated posts as the contributions of my very own LOL Hadron Collider.

Here’s the first of the computer generated posts. It should be similar in style and nature to the usual stuff but probably a bit better. Right, I’ll leave you in the device’s capable hands. Enjoy.


MAIN BODY OF TEXT: Hello readers. Sexting is the sending of risqué SMS messages. Needless to say, it can cause inconvenience if you send a sext (text) to the wrong person. For example, you could possibly send the following communiqué to your mother: “I have a lovely big knob”.

Needless to say, a sext (text) of that nature would be meant for your sister. An added inconvenience would be if the information comprised in your sext (text) was false and you did not, in actual fact, have “a lovely big knob”. Needless to say, your mother would know this.

Needless to say, there would be red faces around the kitchen table come teatime let me tell you readers and needless to say-LOL + ROFL {{LMFAO ~ RATFLMFAO^BFF < LAWL ‰PWNED ~ OMG¬ E=MC² 101000101000100010101001110101001. . . BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Jesus, the thing’s on fire . . .OK, obviously still some bugs to be ironed out there. I’ll try and sort it for next time. My apologies for any distress caused. I wasn’t expecting that kind of content myself to be honest. Not really appropriate behaviour really, least of all from a machine. LOL?

1 comment:

barrymore said...

Well I mean.... you’ve just learned the importance of creative control there! Soon as you go messing with machines its a recipe for disaster. I recall one time in Waitrose, I was just nipped out for a bottle of wine for Cheryl and they’d started these new machines on the checkouts. Automated checkouts. Well I mean, I’ve always been one to have a go you know, try something new. So I’m looking at this thing and I says come on Michael its only a blooming computer!!! You might even make a few bob!! So I scan the bottle and it REFUSES TO SERVE ME!!!! Never again. Stick with the man in Oddbins. Never again. Its a fallacy. What you want to go employing those posh birds for? Must cost you at least fifty quid a day. You’ll be broke in no time