Knowing it was once home to great writers such as Capote, Orwell and Vidal, I’ve always wanted to write for TV Quick Magazine. My dreams came true recently when TV Quick asked Fugger to fill in for in-house Agony Aunt Trisha Goddard. I could never hope to match Ms. Goddard’s empathic nature, robust common sense and decorum in dealing with sensitive matters but I’ve decided to give it a go anyway. Here, for your pleasure, is my first effort.
READER ASKS:
Dear Fugger,
My troubles began a few years ago when my son Tony was born twice. This strange occurrence has led to a long line of problems. Since his birth, Tony has required twice as much of everything as any other child. He has twice as many ideas as anybody else true, but he also causes twice the mischief. He is also expensive in that he eats twice the amount of food a normal child would eat and needs two sets of clothes for every occasion (two school uniforms for example). In these difficult economic times, I find myself short of money and also find myself short of time to seek work as Tony demands twice the care and attention of an ordinary child. Is there any way I can reduce my unfortunate little lad to someone more singular in his needs?
Yours in hope,
Felicity Crouch,
Rowdy Yates Block.
FUGGER SAYS:
I suggest you give Tony twice as many names as any other child too as one of him is an entirely separate person. You gave birth to twins you halfwit!
. . .I think that should sort it.
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