THE INDIFFERENCE ENGINE

The first ever computer was Charles Babbage's 19^th century Difference Engine. A beautiful machine consisting of twisting brass gears, the Difference Engine solved equations and it changed the world. Soon the world will change again. We'll invent a quantum computer that will solve everything that remains unsolved in any given field. The quantum computer will be able to perform infinite calculations infinitely, sorting out everything at once with its omnitask ability. All ailments will be cured and even death will be overcome. All questions will be answered and there'll be nothing left to wonder about. There'll be world peace because everyone will be in perfect agreement. There'll be nothing that can't be done.

However, one unsolvable problem will result from this solving of all problems. The ultimate problem of eternal boredom. We'll be rendered yawning immortals sat in front of portals that look onto the past, watching the human race when it used be confused and beset with problems. We'll envy our ancestors the struggles that were their reasons for being. We'll long for the days when we had real feelings. There'll no longer seem to be a point in anything when we know the point of everything and there'll no longer be a reason to go on when life just goes on and on and on and on. Pity the gods that we are destined to become, as superfluous as they are superior in the shadow of their Indifference Engine.

THAT SATURDAY FEELING

There's a feeling the majority of us have experienced but never talk about. It's a strange feeling. A slow motion feeling. It's that feeling you get as the roller coaster tips over the brink. It's that feeling you get when you've lost control of the car and a truck approaches. It's that feeling you get when the noose is around your neck and the trapdoor opens beneath your feet. It's that feeling you get when the guillotine drops and you've just beheaded the king. It's that feeling you get as a clenched fist approaches your face. It's that feeling you get when the beach falls silent and the tsunami looms. It's that feeling you get just as a mad dog sinks its teeth into your arse. It's that feeling you get when the firstborn's head is pushed through. It's that feeling you get the instant you realise you've 'followed through'. It's that feeling you get when the sophisticated and elegant love of your life unexpectedly enters a room just as you're doing your Macho Man Randy Savage impersonation.

You know that feeling?

It's a feeling. It's just a feeling, a sensation. You don't think during it. You just feel. If you did think something while you had this feeling it would probably be something like 'HOLY... JAYSUS... MAC... FUCK!' but you don't think while you have this feeling. You just accept. You just slip into a pocket slow motion dimension and await your fate.

Sometimes it happens to a lot of us at once. These times are considered historic. After the fact, everyone explains what they were thinking at the time ('well, when we opened Enola Gay's bomb bay doors and dropped Little Boy, I immediately thought...') but it's all bullshit because you don't think anything. You just get that feeling.

You never forget this feeling. It's the feeling that accompanies dramatic change. It's the feeling that accompanies the biggest turning points in your life. It's the feeling you get when the adrenal glands override the frontal lobe and tell it to 'shut the fuck up a second'.

This feeling is felt by us all and if you haven't felt it yet, well, you will. It's more probable that you already have felt this feeling though. Maybe you felt it recently. Maybe you felt it earlier in the week or just today. Maybe you remember it from long ago. We'll all get this feeling again. It's probably the last thing we'll ever feel. I'd be willing to bet a heap of cash that it's the last thing we ever feel but if I had proof I'd be in no position to collect my winnings.

I wonder when we'll get this feeling next. I wonder if it will be soon. I wonder will it be in an hour or less than hour or over the weekend. I wonder, could it be that Saturday feeling?