QUITE STRAIGHTFORWARD

(pictured: off they go, y'know the type)

Look, I don't know what all the fuss is about. It's quite straightforward, and I quote:

'The State acknowledges the right to life of the unborn and, with due regard to the equal right to life of the mother, guarantees in its laws to respect, and, as far as practicable, by its laws to defend and vindicate that right. The state shall endeavour to probably not convict or maybe convict, as far as practicable and in all probability if aforementioned practicability is indeed practicable or not, as the case may be, any medical practitioner/murdering bastard that performs said probable murder/life saving procedure or whatever you're having yourself but you never really know do you? I mean it's mad like when you think about it and if we have a referendum again everyone will just go mental and it'll be an awful pain in the arse and no one wants to looking at John Waters hyperventilating on the telly.'

Right, I hope that's cleared everything up and we can sweep this matter back under the rug where it belongs for another couple of decades going forward.

THE FISCAL THINGY: Q and A

(pictured above: a future services provider. He owes Anglo €833.8m)

Why should we vote Yes on Thursday?

Because we might need money from the ESM!

Where does the ESM get its money from?

Us.

So why don't we just give the money to ourselves then?

Because we haven't got it.

But where are we going to get the money to give to the ESM?

We'll borrow it from someone.

But won't we have to pay it back?

That is probably why we'll need the money from the ESM (insert 'LOL' here).

Um, . . .right. So, where will we get the money to run the country?

We'll cut spending deficit to 0.5% of GDP.

But will that leave us with enough?

Only if we sell off our assets and outsource our services.

Who will we sell off our assets and outsource our services to?

Rich people who owe lots of money to the banks we now own. They will use the money we give them for running the country to pay us back.

But why don't we just keep the money we'll give them for running the country and use it to run the country ourselves?

Because then our spending deficit will exceed 0.5% of GDP.

Well, why don't we just refuse to cut spending?

Because then we won't get the money we need from the ESM.

This makes no sense. We're going around in bloody circles here. Are you sure you know what you're talking about?

I have no idea what I am talking about, no one does, but it's too late to worry about all that now. Just go and vote Yes on Thursday. It's the responsible thing to do.