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Tuesday, October 11, 2011

OCCUPY DAME STREET: THE FUGGER REPORT


Dropped in on the Occupy Dame Street crowd. I wasn’t sure what was up so I thought I’d check it out and make up my own mind. I was wondering about the demographics and beliefs of the people staying there so I asked a few questions. ‘Do you have a job do you, do you though, do you even work?’ I asked in a friendly manner. Then I asked another question before they could reply to that one because, let’s face it, we all know what the answer would be. My second question was ‘what do you want?’ but I could kind of guess the answer to that one too so as they opened their mouths and drew breath to speak, I roared ‘Oh that’s absolutely ridiculous!’

They were all fairly young. ‘Does your mammy know you’re here?’ I asked one girl in a concerned manner. She just walked off. Walked off! I mean it would be great to see young people engage politically but don’t we have Young Fine Gael for that?

My next question was ‘who’s your leader?’ ‘We don’t have a leader’, one managed to say. Imagine that? They forgot to get a leader. Bit of an oversight eh? I mean, could you imagine if armies went to war without leaders? They’d be running around all over the place, firing guns at the wrong people and behaving like lunatics. What kind of war would that be? No, you need a leader. That’s what I said to them. I said: ‘you need a leader for God’s sake!’

Then I asked them if they had any celebrity endorsements. I thought this was a good question. It’s not really a runner unless someone like Amy Huberman pops around and has a bang on the old bongos is it? They kind of sniggered at my suggestion but I reminded them that celebrities ended world poverty a couple of years ago. Bono and Annie Lennox and all that. Do you remember? It was a fantastic bit of telly. Annie giving it socks. Peter Sutherland on the tambourine. I asked them why no one famous had shown up. ‘Where’s Huberman?’ I asked. ‘Where’s Barry Egan?’ I requested. ‘You lack any credibility’, I pointed out. ‘You could at least contact Blackie off Glenroe’, I helpfully suggested.

Well, they got a bit aggressive then. One of them comes up to me and says ‘would you like some vegetarian quiche?’ which is more or less accusing me of being an animal killer. But who’s the real killer here? Is it me, because I like the odd sausage sandwich, or is it them, because they are KILLING Ireland’s competitiveness, KILLING Ireland’s international reputation, and KILLING Ireland’s hopes of recovery? Think about it. I’ve been down there. I’ve listened to these people and I know. I said as much to them. I said ‘you’re killers, all of you, KILLERS!’ but they didn’t want to listen. They all went off and pretended to be interested in a pot of lentils someone was stirring.

I was a bit disgusted. I went home. I made my dinner and watched the Six One News. Back to reality. Dobson was broadcasting live from Plato’s Cave.

2 comments:

Archie Templar said...

I remember last Friday being a bit down; I was on the road, heading UK bound across the water to an old family friend’s funeral, it was an emotional affair. My thoughts were heavy with sentiment and I found my mind wandering as I stood in the airport lounge, looking for a distraction from my heartache.

There, in amongst less important stories, like defaulting European economies and mass job cuts, and taking up 98.7% of the front cover of the Irish Independent newspaper was the an extreme close up of that great Irish icon of our times, Amy Huberman; there was her face, frozen in fear at some off-screen presence. What, I wondered, could be causing her such pain and anguish? The poor mite looked absolutely terrified. Tearing my eyes away from that most hypnotic of visages I found my way to the blurb underneath her giant photograph.

“Stepping out on to the red carpet absolutely terrifies me!” Confesses Amy Huberman.

Maybe there really are worse things in life than burying a dead family friend, I mused.

Fugger said...

Perhaps if Huuuuuuuubeeeeeerrrrrrmmmaaaaaannn made less outstanding drama like The Clinic and those other things she was in then she would have less encounters with the red carpet. She only has herself to blame. She could've got a job in door to door cosmetics sales. There were plenty available when she was starting out at the Gaiety school of Acting.

Actually, did she go to the Gaiety School of acting? Watching her performances on TV, something tells me she did.