Assets held by the Former Republic of Ireland must be sold off in order to payback debts incurred by the one time state. However, the vendition of hospitals, schools, fossil fuels, and other services/resources will not provide the revenue required to cover obligations and so a further asset must be placed on the market. The reader is no doubt wondering what salable asset remains. The answer to that question is right under the reader’s nose. The remaining asset, dear reader, is YOU! To help your ex-nation at this time of need, all you have to do is submit your unique genetic code to Monsanto’s new DNA Data Base, BarRoom, and Grill (Dundrum Town Centre) and sit back over a reasonably priced beverage as you are processed and patented.
Consider the scenario: Joe Bloggs’ genetic identity is patented by Monsanto. Joe Bloggs becomes legally known as Joe Bloggs(TM). Joe Bloggs’ self-esteem rises upon realisation that a groundbreaking synergy of the personal and the fiscal has rendered him a commodity of some worth, rather than just another ‘human being’. Also, should Joe reproduce, his children (also being the property of Monsanto) will carry on the proud franchise started by their father. It’s a bit like running a Spar only you are the Spar.
So, come on peoples, get down to the DNA Data Base, BarRoom, and Grill and start paying your debts in a responsible manner going forward.
Warning: Any public display of Joe Bloggs (TM) and/or his offspring in locations such as airlines, clubs, coaches, hospitals, hotels, bus stops, oil rigs, prisons, schools, and ships is prohibited unless expressly authorized by the copyright proprietor. Any such action establishes liability for a civil action and may give rise to criminal prosecution. Joe Bloggs (TM) and family are for domestic use or broad spectrum herbicidal application only.
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