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Sunday, May 3, 2015

WRONG ABOUT EVERYTHING


There's tremendous relief to be found upon discovering that you were wrong about everything. It's initially jarring, sure, but after that there is a sense of great excitement that everything is up for rediscovery. The boredom of thinking you had it all figured out and things would always be thus vanishes and the world begins again. It's like the reboot of some franchise. It would be good for our jaded species to have such an epiphany, communally. It would both invigorate us and cut us down to size. It would unite us in confusion as we drop our respective dogmas. All that is required is for something remarkable to happen. Something that causes such a paradigm shift that it shifts all the other paradigms into obsolescence. What we need is an inexplicable event. An event that defies all scientific understanding and proves both the existence and nonexistence of God at the same time. What could such an event be?

I've never told anyone what I'm about to tell you now. When I was a child, myself and my brother had an argument in our garden. I can't remember what the row was about but we soon stopped fighting when our dog got up on a Triumph 20 and started cycling around the lawn. We never had a disagreement again after that. Everything seemed trivial. That dog brought peace to our household and rebooted both our realities. Maybe the dogs of the world should do similar, at some synchronised time. Some quiet afternoon as people go about their business and international tensions simmer and the rich rip off the poor and people kneel to God and families dine in silence. Imagine the collective gasp if the dogs of the world suddenly mounted whatever bike was nearest and started peddling about and maybe even doing the odd wheelie. World news would broadcast identical events as they occurred globally. Then, as suddenly as they got on the bikes, the dogs would dismount and one would look straight into a television camera and say, 'there now, what do you humans make of that? That's softened your cough for you hasn't it?' And indeed, at last and long overdue, humanity's cough would be softened. The dogs of the world would then resume acting thick and never explain what happened and we'd all be left as we should be, humbled but curious and feeling very much alive. Set free of certainty and happy to be wrong about everything.

5 comments:

Paul Sutherland said...

I don't want to worry you, but . . .
https://youtu.be/Vdto2MAsU0s

No, to hell with it, I do want to worry you. LOL!!

Fugger said...

That is obviously a man dressed up as a dog. If not, it is that woman's deformed husband and she is trying to pass him off as a dog to get her video going viral.

Paul Sutherland said...

By that "logic", you could argue that male cyclists are really dogs dressed up as men! LOL!

And another thing. Cycling shows blatant discrimination against Chihuahuas and Dachshunds, because their legs are not long enough to reach the pedals, though they could probably grip the handlebars. Well, not grip exactly, because they lack prehensile toes. Or fingers, I suppose, for the front legs. Those paw things, anyway.

Fugger said...

'You could argue that male cyclists are really dogs dressed up as men' - Maybe they are. Maybe, just maybe, they are.

'Cycling shows blatant discrimination against Chihuahuas and Dachshunds, because their legs are not long enough to reach the pedals.' - Smaller bikes. Like what mice use.

Paul Sutherland said...

Yes, I remembered the flea circuses of yore, with their cycling insects, and immediately saw the flaw in my argument. The flea flaw, one might say.