KILLED A LAD YESTERDAY

Killed a lad on the road yesterday. Middle of the afternoon. Decapitated him with a paper scissors. Not the ideal tool for the job. It took about an hour. Most people just walked on by. Some people asked me to knock it off but moved on when I told them I wouldn't and waved the scissors about a bit. By the time the cops arrived the fella was headless and my work was done. Not sure why I did it. A search for validation? A cry for attention? Madness? Boredom? Possession? Dispossession? Who knows? Not many people are wondering. They are happy enough to just put it down to terrorism. Terrorism's the thing these days.

I took footage of the butchery with the camera on my mobile phone. Then I sold the footage to News International for millions. Then I used the money I made to hire the world's top lawyer to defend me in court. He got me off on a technicality. I only had €14 left after I paid the lawyer so I spent that on newspapers and read about what I did. All the usual adjectives were there: 'monstrous', 'barbaric', 'inhuman'. I turned the page in one tabloid and saw some recent pap shots of Michael Barrymore. He could be seen pushing a wheelbarrow in a garden centre where he's working now. 'Michael Barrow-more' read the sub. Barrymore probably took those pictures himself. He probably got almost as much from News International as I did for my footage. He's probably at that all the time now. He's probably making more out of that than he was paid by ITV back in the days of Strike It Lucky. People love a spectacle you see. They like to see things happen to people. Other people. There's cash to be made from making things occur. Shocking things. Devastating things. Sad things. Whatever. People just want to be interested in things, ...for a bit. It brings them together. It gives them commonality. It unites them in condemnation, disgust, and schadenfreude. For a while at least. The masses tend not to dwell. Soon enough they'll be talking about something else so you have to seize your moment. I admire Michael Barrymore for the longevity of his disgrace. He was always keen to entertain and people are always keen to be entertained.

(He's doing 'awight')