AUNG SAN SUU KYI

(pictured: you set her free, now get the T)

I think Aung San Suu Kyi is deadly. Soldiers locked her in her gaff for ages and she didn't go mad. Half the people you see around outside are barking but Aung San Suu Kyi couldn't even go down the road to buy smokes or a Lucozade or whatever and still she kept her shit together. I love her. I think she's as cool as the Dalai Yoda off Australian Masterchef. Anyway, I wrote a bit of a poem type song thing for her because she's in Dublin today signing copies of her new graphic novel in Forbidden Planet. I'm hoping to head down there and sing it to her. It goes a little something like this:

Aung San Suu Kyi,

Aung San Suu Kyi,

They locked you in your gaff

and threw away the key.

Ooh ooh ooh,

Aung San Suu Kyi.

I guess when you were there you played lots of Nintendo Wii.

Aung San Suu Kyi,

Aung San Suu Kyi,

You were stuck indoors for ages

watching boxsets on TV.

Ooh ooh ooh,

Aung San Suu Kyi.

I bet you've seen The Wire even more times than me.

Aung San Suu Kyi,

Aung San Suu Kyi,

You were bored shitless in your gaff

but now you're free.

Ooh ooh ooh,

Aung San Suu Kyi.

Wait 'till you see the movies, now they're all in crappy 3D.

Aung San Suu Kyi,

Aung San Suu Kyi,

Last time you left the gaff,

Happy Mondays were number three.

Ooh ooh ooh,

Aung San Suu Kyi.

You gotta see Shaun Ryder, the guy's become a monstrosity.

Aung San Suu Kyi,

Aung San Suu Kyi,

Now you're getting prizes,

and joining Bono for tea.

Ooh ooh ooh,

Aung San Suu Kyi.

Are you taking calls from the guys in Shell and BP?

Oh yeah baby,

are you taking calls from the guys in Shell and BP?

C'mon sugar tell me,

are you taking calls from the guys in Shell and BP?

Which you gonna lobby for honey,

Please take them calls from the guys in Shell and BP!

There is no alternative baby,

Ya gotta take them calls from the guys in Shell and BP!

(repeat to fade)

It's good isn't it? Well, the first half is. It kind of falls apart after that but what do you expect with the amount I've had to drink? I'm going to sing it to her in my Tom Jones voice.