I LOVE THE CHARLIE!

I love the charlie. I love a toot. It makes you feel great. It makes you a better person. As you all probably know, the best place to get quality charlie is Montrose. Oh yeah! I’ll never forget my days working in the RTE current affairs department. We’d be buying charlie, selling charlie, snorting charlie and making TV shows about charlie. It was great.

We’d start the day snorting a load of charlie, then pack the cameras and sound gear into the van and take off for some underprivileged area where they take loads of charlie, but crap charlie, unlike our charlie, which was great charlie.

We’d see some skanger type and chase after him with the camera and the boom poll, charlied off our heads.

‘Hey you, you there, do you take charlie? Do ya? Do ya though? Do you take charlie at all?’

The skanger would run off and we’d turn and talk to camera about what a terrible shit he is to be taking charlie and then we’d take a break from shooting and take more charlie, which is great.

Then, totally charlied, we’d go around knocking on doors asking skangers if they took charlie and if they closed the doors on us that meant they did take charlie and if they said they didn’t take charlie they were lying because everyone is on the charlie and the charlie is great and makes you a better person unless you’re a skanger, in which case it just makes you worse.

At the end of the day, charlied out of it, we’d get all the footage of the charlie taking skangers and take a bit more charlie and edit the charlie taking skanger footage together. Then we’d call the piece Charlie: An Inner City Tragedy, put Barber’s Adagio for Strings on the soundtrack and broadcast it on the telly before heading off to the Odessa Club and taking a load more charlie and hooking up with some charlie snorting birds who present kids’ telly and sitting with them in the corner talking about charlie.

Oh yeah, charlie is great. It’s all about the charlie baby!

By the way, a bunch of lads who wouldn’t know decent charlie to save their lives made a funny telly internet thing. If you’re in Dublin on Wednesday you can go see it and drink their free booze. There might even be some charlie around if you take charlie which I bet you do because everyone does and it’s great and makes you a better person, unless you’re a skanger, in which case it just makes you worse. Click the link for details:THE LAST SECURITY MAN

Right, that’s all for now. I'm going to have a sit down. I'm feeling a bit tired. I'm feeling a bit weird actually. I'm sweating and all. Yeah, better have a sit down. You may as well go. Go and do whatever it is you do. Go take some charlie.