THE CHAT LIKE

THE CHAT LIKE by FugTheWorld

HATE HER WAY

(Special guest blogger Breda)

 

Now, this isn't just about me but I am asking that the dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty rug munching arse pokers my gay brothers and sisters allow me to express my views. You know, I am not just asking here, I am actually imploring. Tears are rolling down my face as I type this just as tears flowed from the eyes of my good friend John after the death of Katy French. That's quite a lot of tears let me tell you and some of them are genuine. Genuine tears, how very sad. You would weep too if you found yourself barricading your entire family into your house like Anne Frank or the cast of Night of the Living Dead had to. This, of course, isn't about me but the other evening Ben, my little boy, asked 'mammy, are the people from the internet coming to get us', and I was forced to say 'of course not love, we're just playing a game'. I was forced to lie to my child and, unless it is an exercise in mental reservation, a lie is a sin. I might go to Hell if I don't receive confession before the event of my death. Imagine the irony if I ended up in Hell as an indirect result of trying to save a dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty heap of pox ridden poo baiters my gay brothers and sisters from that same eternal damnation. How fair is that? 'How fair' I ask you as salty Katy French tears spout from my doleful ducts. The Doleful Ducts of Breda O'Brien. Hmmm, that might be a nice byline for this piece ...but I digress, this isn't about me. This is about the nazi queer war against preservation of traditional values. Traditional values like the right of a child to come into this world at the foot of a grotto via symphysiotomy and be greeted by both a mother and a father and not two dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty objectively disordered salivating micky gobblers gay people.

These are my values and I only want to defend them without being accused of holding the prejudicial and discriminatory views that I hold. Let me make it perfectly clear that I reject, with every fibre of my being, the intolerance and hate that I seek to uphold with every fibre of my being. When will people realise that hate is not hateful when it comes from a loving place. My hate is a hate of love and there would be more love in this world if people learned to hate my way. But this isn't about me.

I'd like to conclude by thanking Mr. Fugger for allowing me this space to express my increasingly maginalised views. With the climate of hate that currently pervades the communications landscape, myself and my fellow Iona sufferers are forced to avail of any platform, no matter how pitiful. (No offence to Mr. Fugger, RTE, The Irish Times, The Independent, etc. etc. etc.).  

HOMOPHOBIAPHOBIA

 

STOP THE BULLYING!

Homophobiaphobia is the hatred of, or when people discriminate against, people who hate or discriminate against lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender people (LGBT). People who hate and discriminate against LGBT people are called homophobes or ‘IONA’ and people who hate and discriminate against IONA homophobes are called homophobicphobes and are practicing homophobiaphobia. 

Homophobiaphobic bullying can take many forms, anti-gay-anti-gay graffiti, spreading rumours that someone is anti-gay, being abusive towards someone who is IONA, or mentioning what IONA people believe on the telly. 

Sometimes homophobicphobic people use words like ‘bigot’ and ‘backward’ and ‘fundamentalist’ in a casual manner to describe members of the IONA community. This homophobicphobic language sends negative messages and could make people who are IONA feel as if they don’t belong or that there is something wrong with being anti-gay.

The victim of homophobicphobic bullying can feel lonely and isolated and can often be found drinking tea for one in the Kylemore Café, silently mourning the loss of Archbishop John Charles McQuaid’s Ireland. Because of homophobiaphobia, IONA people might be afraid to talk to anyone about their anti-homosexual identity. They may feel pressure to accept homosexual relationships in the hopes that the bullying will stop and others will accept them.

Homophobiaphobia is just as serious as any other type of bullying. Everyone has the right to be treated equally and with respect even if they feel that not everyone has the right to be treated equally and with respect.

 

If your friends have been bullying someone who is IONA you should call them up on it. Point out that what they are doing is wrong. Explain to them that terms like ‘narrow-minded bigoted prick artist’ are offensive. It is also important to let teachers, supervisors and the Broadcasting Authority of Ireland know about the bullying. 

HOMOPHOBIAPHOBIA

Breaking the silence is the key to stopping it!

Don’t discriminate against those who discriminate!

QUITE STRAIGHTFORWARD

(pictured: off they go, y'know the type)

Look, I don't know what all the fuss is about. It's quite straightforward, and I quote:

'The State acknowledges the right to life of the unborn and, with due regard to the equal right to life of the mother, guarantees in its laws to respect, and, as far as practicable, by its laws to defend and vindicate that right. The state shall endeavour to probably not convict or maybe convict, as far as practicable and in all probability if aforementioned practicability is indeed practicable or not, as the case may be, any medical practitioner/murdering bastard that performs said probable murder/life saving procedure or whatever you're having yourself but you never really know do you? I mean it's mad like when you think about it and if we have a referendum again everyone will just go mental and it'll be an awful pain in the arse and no one wants to looking at John Waters hyperventilating on the telly.'

Right, I hope that's cleared everything up and we can sweep this matter back under the rug where it belongs for another couple of decades going forward.

MISUNDERSTOOD GENIUS

'Hate the sin not the sinner,' says Fugger over and over and over so I was very moved to see all the understanding tributes paid to maverick gun enthusiast Raoul Moat on the Internet. Here are some of my favourites:

'I ain't condoning it, what he done, people are dead, people who were alive, but if his bird wasn't giving him no grief they'd still be alive. Stands to reason, don't it?'
James Smith,
Isle of No Blacks No Dogs No Irish

'He didn't get no hugs and no one cared. He didn't get no hugs and that's what made him do what he done. That would push anyone over the edge. He got no hugs and went after coppers and the boy done good in my book and I respect the law but he got no hugs. Stands to reason, don't it?'
Trevor Stebson,
Seething on Sea

'If everyone went around doing like what he did there would be bloody carnage everywhere. Life wouldn't be worth living. But, fact is, everyone doesn't go around doing what he did and it's OK once and a while coz it gives the telly something to talk about now that X-factor isn't on and Big Brother has gone rubbish. Stands to reason, don't it?'
Susan Blunt,
Bushell On The Box

'If he'd of killed me or the missus I'd've gone for him. Really I would. But he didn't. He only killed people on the telly and that's pretend ain't it? So, I think they were wrong to shoot him when all he wanted was a sandwich and to lay a few upper cuts into his bird. It's political correctness gone mad. Stands to reason, don't it?'
Terry Fletcher,
Crisps and Larger

'He was right to do what he done. It's like that fox that attacked them babies. If them babies weren't giving that fox no verbal they would never have got a going over. Stands to reason, don't it?'
Bertie Flunt,
Kebab and Chips

'The pan-feminist politburo cast this man into the realm of the forgotten and uncared about. "Your feelings don't matter" they said and, like a warrior denied a war, Moat lashed out the only way he knew how. There is a star that shines brighter than all the others in the firmament tonight and its name is Raoul. We've all lost a brother, a son, a father, a bloody good mate. I'm crying writing this. Raouly was another victim of post-Maquaid Ireland even though he didn't live here and probably never visited or even considered visiting. Stand's to reason, does it not?'
John Waters,
Irish Times

'If he weren't goin to do it I were but he did so I don't have to do it but I swear I would have done it and better too like in a film it would've been or a f*****g game and I'd've got books named after me and other stuff too. Stand's to reason, don't it?'
Harry Windsor,
Buckingham Palace

I liked Waters' one the best.

IN OTHER NEWS: A new CRAP MAN adventure is up at...

http://crapmancomic.blogspot.com/2010/07/crap-man-issued-3.html

AND, check this out...

http://puredaft-delineavit.blogspot.com/2010/07/colour-version.html

AND if you're in Dublin you should head to Film Base on Curved Street Temple Bar on Saturday during usual shopping hours for SUMMER EDITION 2010. It will feature lots of interesting items from the comic small press and other quality artistic ventures. Go! Stands to reason, don't it?

JOHN IS ALONE THIS CHRISTMAS

This Christmas, as you enjoy the cheer and revelry to be found amongst family and friends, please spare a thought for John.

John can usually be found trampling about the coast of south county Dublin in his familiar long black coat. Sometimes he'll stop and chat with other local characters like Eoghan. You might have seen them, lost in discussion in the People's Park. Happily reminiscing over the good governance and moral authority of days gone by. Later in a given afternoon, you might see John in the window of the local Kylemore Cafe, scribbling his thoughts in a notebook whilst enjoying a slice of cake and a pot of tea. Tea for one.

But, what of Christmas day? On Christmas day the Kylemore will be closed and John will have nowhere to go. Eoghan will be ensconced at home with his new bird and the park gates will be chained shut. What will John do then?

Well, John will awake. He will arise. He will wash and he will attend mass, as will many of us. However, instead of spending the rest of the day in the company of loved ones, John will instead pass his time glaring at the few baubles he pinned above the mantle in a desperate nod to the season. No one told him it would be like this. This wasn't the Christmas McQuaid's Ireland envisioned for a man such as he. John will begin to feel a bit cheated. His mood will grow sour and soon he will be in high dudgeon, tapping wildly into the laptop ( ...as I am now ironically) on subjects ranging from the denigration of Dev to the ascendancy of bloody women.

So please spare a thought for John this Christmas as you settle back with family members to play boardgames, watch Doctor Who or enjoy whatever DVD RTE have rented for the evening. Please, spare a thought for John because . . .John is alone this Christmas.