FOOD FOR THOUGHT

What use is food for thought eh? I mean, you can't eat it. What use is food you can't eat? If someone gave you food for thought you'd get hungry and all you'd be thinking about is how hungry you are and you'd have no time to think about the food they gave you for thought. Food for thought my arse! How's that for food for thought?

And here's more food for thought for you, why does everyone say earthquakes are San Andrea's fault? What did San Andrea ever do? Unfair!

And a final bit of brain dinner for you, physicists keep talking about neutrinos but what about old-trinos, eh? What about them? Quantum physics is a bit ageist isn't it? Have a mind chew on that food for thought!

That is all!

. . .jeepers, I'm beginning to sound like The LOL Generator or, worse still, Jimmy Carr. This blog really is dying on its arse. It used to be good though. Do you remember the one about the blacks? That was a bit of a laugh. Some of The Mother stuff was good too wasn't it? And there used even be some kind of food for thought stuff but sure what use is that? Ah well, if it keeps up at this rate I can always get a job writing the opening gags on The Craig Doyle Show.

ANOTHER NEW YEAR IN MONTROSE

(pictured above: Craig, Aiden and Brian)

I saw in the New Year with Montrose. Did you see it yourself? Some chat, some song, and (insert a gentle chuckle of fond recollection here) more than a little laughter. Oh, a fantastic time was to be had. That’s the great thing about Montrose, it’s like a wonderful party and they allow you look in the window.

The night was made up of the cream of Montrose, past, present, and future. The faces of the future provided the highlight of the night for me. Just before midnight, during the countdown, The Joe O’Shea was wheeled out and it smiled and waved at the audience and then Miriam kind of twisted off the top half of it and inside it was The Craig Doyle and that waved too and got applause and then Miriam twisted the top off The Craig Doyle and inside it was The Brian Ormond and that did a little wave and everyone clapped and then Miriam unscrewed the top off The Brian Ormond and inside it was The Aiden Power and that waved at the audience and got a clap and then, as if that wasn’t enough, Miriam twisted open The Aiden Power and inside that was The Donal Skehan and it sang Auld Lang Syne and then Miriam breastfed it and put it in a little cot and everyone in the audience went ‘ahhhhh’.

Bowman was on too. He has intelligence. He spoke about his book. It’s about the history of Montrose and it’s called Fifty Years in Plato’s Cave by John Bowman (aged 69 and a half) Montrose Books, €99.99. It sounds brilliant. There’s pictures in it and you can colour them in and everything.

Did you know they’ve been making telly out in Montrose for fifty years? Yeah! Fifty years. You wouldn’t know it though. It doesn’t show through all the vitality. ‘Daytime Telly, All Day, Every Day’, that’s what it says on the plaque over the foyer door. Miriam spoke of the early days of Montrose and how deValera was wary of the telly’s potential influence. I felt like telling Miriam that Dev needn’t have worried. He need not have worried at all. The telly is in safe hands in Montrose. Very safe hands. Incredibly safe telly altogether.

Anyway, then everyone did the Huckle Buck and said goodbye and then it was closedown so I said my prayers and went to bed and looked forward to waking up the next day in 2012. The future! It's going to be great!!!

Hold on a second! Was that a dirty prod presenting Night Light? Ah listen, all this multiculturalism is going too far. Dev wouldn’t have liked that at all. I’m writing to Arthur in Mailbag!