MORE NONSENSE

(pictured above – Aonghus wearing earrings Mary made him)

It's just random observations and memories today. I don't feel like drawing them together into some contrived whole. Life is just a series of unrelated sensations and reactions anyway. Narrative cohesion is an ex post facto lie you tell yourself. At least that's what Aonghus McAnally kept saying on Anything Goes when I was a small boy and I've found it to be true ever since.

So, um, here goes I suppose...

I used to own a cat that used a dog I used to own as a horse. I videoed them and tried to upload the footage to Youtube but it was 1989 and the Internet hadn't been invented yet.

Silly of me really. I should have known. I didn't even have a computer.

...anyway...

Did you know that if you crush butterflies into a paste and spread it on a sandwich and eat it you can fly out the window?

Yeah, ...seriously, I swear...

Ah no, that was just a dream you had. Can you remember it? Maybe you haven't had it yet. Maybe you'll have it tonight because you read about it here. Either way, it's your dream.

Speaking of Anything Goes do you remember Mary? She used to show you how to make things out of bird skulls and marla and all that kind of thing. I remember this time she was dressed up as a sexy magician's assistant – heels and fishnets. That was probably the first time in my life I found myself muttering the words 'not bad, not bad at all'. I've probably muttered those words to myself about eight or nine billion times since. Mainly when I'm remembering Mary in the fishnets.

That's a true story that, not that that's really a story.

Hmmm. They probably still have the footage of Mary wearing the gear in the RTE archive somewhere. Someone should really fish it out. They could release it on DVD. I'd buy it or download it illegally at least.

...so, you know, ...that's an idea anyway...

Did I tell that I was recently denied a blood transfusion because I don't use Google+? Yeah, I was. 'Fair enough', I didn't think to myself. You wouldn't have thought that either if it happened to you.

I also hear that CNN is changing its name to Fox News Lite. They say the rebrand will help make it clear that they're not nearly as mad but basically the same. 'Fair enough', I do think to myself there.

Ryan Tubridy was talking angrily into his mobile the other day and I heard him saying the words: 'I've fucking had it with the Scheler Concept of Ressentiment'. That's what he said. Those exact words almost exactly. I think. I'm not sure. I wasn't there. I was somewhere else. But I was speaking to him on his mobile at the time and that's how I know it's true.

Did you know that the Communications and Management Institute Dublin are awarding diplomas in something called Psycholinguistic Subterfuge? Yeah, they are. Apparently there's a lot of employment opportunities in that area. Whatever that area is.

...still, nice to earn an honest wage.

So, tell me, is the kid in the picture above cute or creepy? I can't decide. Cutely creepy? Creepily cute? Who knows? Maybe if we close our eyes she'll go away. Close your eyes then and I will too and we'll open them after a count of three and hopefully she'll be gone. Ready? OK, let's do it. One, two, ...thrrrreeee. Open your eyes!

Fuck, she's still there.

Hold on, you didn't close your eyes. You cheated!

Ah, don't worry. I didn't close my eyes either. I tend not to close my eyes anymore. You never know what'll be there when you reopen them.

So, that's about it for today. I hope you enjoyed it. I'll probably be writing about the future of internet in the next post, now that it's been invented, but that's it for today ...unless, ...did I tell you about Mary in the fishnets?

I did?

Oh yeah, I see it up there near the top of the post.

OK so, you can go but don't forget to come back. If you don't keep visiting Fugger you'll end up spending your time elsewhere and getting indoctrinated into notions that life makes sense, which it doesn't. That's just more nonsense.

So, it's goodbye for now then.

You know I love you very much.

Especially when you're in your magician's assistant gear.

Not bad, not bad at all.

(That post was probably inspired by Bumhand's spamming on the JPRBDF)

I’VE INVENTED ANOTHER NEW LANGUAGE

It’s becoming a bit of a hobby after THE LAST TIME but I’ve invented another new language. Everyone will be able to understand this new language of mine but only a select few will be able to speak it (those with reassuringly authoritative demeanours, presentable attire, and convincing smiles).

The communications landscape will be streamlined by my new language. The vast majority will be unburdened of the tiresome effort of trying to make themselves heard and the select minority will get to discuss matters without fear of the obfuscation caused by widespread discourse, which can get pretty silly when any old How Do You Do butts in willy nilly.

Pretty neat, isn't it?

Now, I realise there’ll come a time when those who are not amongst the select few will pick up a few words of my new language and try speaking them but I’m not too worried about this as they’ll only be repeating what the select few said, a bit like parrots or those dolls that say things when you pull a cord out of their back. They’ll not really be in a position to manipulate the language to their own ends and express their own ideas so there’s no threat really. Let me put it this way, Winston Churchill’s pet macaw Charlie was quite right to squawk the words ‘fuck Hitler’ but that didn’t mean he was in a position to make policy.

Anyway, the ability to have ideas should have atrophied by the time the non-select speaker has learned the lingo and even if the ability to form ideas has not atrophied in certain non-select speakers, any ideas expressed by them will be drowned out by the squawks from all the Charlies. SQUAWK! SQUAWK! SQUAWK! So, all in all, it should be grand.

This new language of mine has a few dialects. One is called Telly, one is called Radio and another one is called Newspaper. The tongue overall is called Media.

Now, keep your mouth shut and listen!