I suppose, now that I've had 'the job'
done on me, I don't spend so much time thinking about riding next
door's setter. I have time to think about other things. Bigger
things. Imagine if we could take ourselves for walkies. Where would
we go? Would we wander off to some wonderful world where dogs rule
and take the two-legs for walkies? Is that why the two-legs keep us
on leads and locked in gardens? Do the two-legs fear that we will
find this other land, the Dog Land, and rise up and bite the two-legs
and avenge ourselves upon them for giving us 'the job'?
And what exactly is in that stuff that
comes out of the cans and how does it differ to the stuff that comes
out of my arse? Is there any difference? The two seem related
somehow. They kind of taste the same.
And why do I bother marking territory?
Who am I kidding? I don't own any part of this world. This world will
keep on spinning long after I'm gone. The barking will continue.
Bikes will still be chased and sticks retrieved. And those that
haven't had 'the job' done on them will still have puppies and those
puppies will grow up and the whole furry debacle will continue. But
to what aim? For what purpose? Are we all just, literally and
figuratively, chasing our tails?
And why are cats such arseholes? Why do
the two-legs like them so much? All they do is, ...well, not very
much. And the disdain, the permanent disdain on their faces. I reckon
the two-legs hate themselves and like to have something around that
hates them too. The two-legs feel they deserve no better. The
two-legs can only love something that hates them. The two-legs can't
love something that loves them back. The two-legs can't even respect
something that is stupid enough to love them. Maybe cats have it
right after all. Maybe I should behave like a cat. I don't think my
face can do disdain though. It can just do mouth and eyes open or
mouth and eyes closed. I do look kind of stupid I suppose.
I have my share of regrets. These
things frequently come to mind. Awful regrets Why did I roll in shit
that time? Why? I upset everyone. It was such an inconsiderate thing
to do. Am I an inconsiderate dog? Is that why they did 'the job' on
me, so I wouldn't sire inconsiderate pups? No, the two-legs like
inconsiderate things. Cats are inconsiderate and the two-legs can't
get enough of cats. The two-legs relate to inconsiderate things. If
you are considerate, the two-legs just think you are stupid.
The two-legs are complex things. Dogs
are not complex. This is why the two-legs rule but I would not swap
places with the two-legs. They make the most elementary things so
very complicated. The simple pleasures of life, chasing a stick or a
bike, riding your one next door, displaying affection, all of these
things come with so much other stuff for the two-legs. Other stuff
that I will never understand. And the two-legs have other needs too.
Needs beyond canine comprehension. Things to do with things they have
invented. Things they don't even need. I remember once the two-legs
bought me a toy. It was a kind of rubber thing in the shape of a bone
and I remember how they said I was stupid because I preferred a real
bone that one of them left on a plate. And then they fought because
one had wasted something called 'money' on the fake rubber bone and
the other said they should have bought something called 'scratch
cards' instead. I remember seeing the cat peering at the two-legs
with scorn that time and I remember understanding her contempt. I
could never feel such hate though. Loving may be stupid but it's much
more fun. But I do now know that I'd rather have four legs than two,
even if that makes me dumb. And I sometimes also think, maybe the
two-legs are the ones that should get the job done.
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