FALSE FLAG! FALSE FLAG! FALSE FLAG!

FALSE FLAG! FALSE FLAG! FALSE FLAG! Sandy Hook! Aurora! Boston! False Flags are everywhere! They do it to keep us scared so they can introduce martial law and inject us all with the MMR vaccine! None of it's real and even if it is real it's fake! Open your eyes and you'll see the false flags everywhere! It all adds up to something! Terrorists on TV? FALSE FLAG! High school shooting spree? FALSE FLAG! Neighbour's chimney caught fire? FALSE FLAG! Two dogs fighting in the park? FALSE FLAG! It's fake calamity designed to make us panicked and hysterical so we'll do as THEY say! FALSE FLAG! FALSE FLAG! FALSE FLAG!

I went to see that James Bond film that was out recently. At the start of the film a bad fella fired a bazooka at 007. Being no complacent slouch I had my eye on my watch. By my timing, the bad fella fired the bazooka at exactly 9 minutes and 11 seconds into the film. 9 minutes and 11 seconds. 9-11! I immediately stood up and started shouting 'FALSE FLAG! FALSE FLAG! FALSE FLAG!' Then some Illuminati guy disguised as an usher asked me to leave the cinema. Everyone clapped as I was escorted to the door. They clapped! The Goddamn sheeple clapped!

My sister rang the other day. I asked how she was. She said she was grand but her bike got a puncture and she had to walk to the library. Puncture!!! There are eleven characters in the word 'Puncture!!!' (if you include the three exclamation marks) ALSO! - if you turn the first letter of the word, the 'P', backwards, you get a '9'. 9-11! 9-11! 9-11! FALSE FLAG! FALSE FLAG! FALSE FLAG! I said as much to my sister. I roared the warning at her. Sheepishly, she hung up the phone. I think they've gotten to her. I think they've MMRed her already!

Even The Mother is in on it! I shouldn't be surprised that she's on their side. She was always a suspicious sort. The other day The Mother faked a tumble on the stairs. 'I've taken a tumble on the stairs' says The Mother, lying there acting all injured and false flagging her head off. 'FALSE FLAG! FALSE FLAG! FALSE FLAG!', roars me. You'd do the same in the face of such deception. I stood there yelling it! Tell the world, I thought. 'FALSE FLAG! FALSE FLAG! FALSE FLAG!' I screamed as The Mother crawled to her emergency button and the St. John Ambulance arrived giving me these really Illuminatish looks.

It's getting so bad I'm beginning to suspect I might be in on it myself. Just yesterday I was getting out of the shower and the floor was wet and I fell on my arse and smashed my coccyx to smithereens. 'FALSE FLAG! FALSE FLAG! FALSE FLAG!' I started roaring. No one heard me. I was roaring it for hours. I'm still roaring it now. This false flag hurts like fuckity. When are those St. John Ambulance Illuminati bastards going to show up and help me out here? Where are they? I'm cold. I'm hungry. I'm false flagged out of it. But at least I know what's going on. At least I'm not part of the Matrix. At least I have woken up! I might be sore, cold, wet, and hungry but I will not be their hysterical pawn. I may be banjaxed here screaming on the bathroom floor but FALSE FLAG! FALSE FLAG! FALSE FLAG! ...don't say you weren't warned!

...jaysus, I need the jax now too.