Some words are so dangerous they have
to be sent to word prison. Word prison is a kind of cultural Siberia.
The idea is that if a dangerous word serves a long term in word
prison no one will remember its significance by the time of its
release and the word is rendered harmless by antiquity. Words get
sent to word prison all the time. The type of words that get sent to
word prison are not necessarily profane
words. Profanity is more frowned upon than criminalised.
Profane words are the lexicanonical equivalents of smokers or gypsies
or something. The type of words that get sent to word prison are more
than just naughty words, they are incendiary
words, words that could start wars if spoken.
One of the nastiest inmates in word
prison has been designated the new identity of The N Word. (That is
what you do with dangerous words, you take the first letter from them
and use that letter to refer to them.) Given that it was sent to word
prison relatively recently, you might still remember The N Word. You
might remember it but you dare not speak it lest you be the gateway
by which societal tumult is released and/or are considered a bit of a
dick. I'm going to risk typing The N Word here. I hope you understand
that I am doing this for academic purposes and that you can forgive me.
However, let this be the last time this word is typed or uttered.
Right, here goes. Are you ready? If you don't want to see it you can
look away now. OK. I'm going to type it. I'm typing The N Word next.
The next word after the last word in this sentence will be The N
Word. Nifflebibble. There I did it. Remember that one? Remember all
the trouble it caused? See how feeble it is now compared to in the
past when it had the power to incite events like the Viennese N Word
riots of 1827? Despite all the time that has passed, I still feel
unclean for just typing the word. That malignant combination of
letters can still cause a lot of grief in certain regions. We can
only take comfort in the knowledge that The N Word will remain
incarcerated until such a time it can do little but wander the world
entirely redundant, looking for a mouth to come out of and row to
start, only to fail miserably - like an infamously violent hoodlum
who leaves prison too withered and old to throw a punch.
****
Did you know that there is a nation
that has banned the use of words entirely. The logic being that any
word can potentially cause unrest so all words, including the name of
the nation itself, have been sent to word prison. You are only
permitted to speak two words in this nation, the word 'the' and the
word 'word'. Saying letters is also permitted. This allows people to
continue communicating without using words. However, just saying a
simple greeting can be a very drawn out process in this nation.
Instead of simply saying 'hello, how are you?' the citizens of this
unnamed nation have to say: 'The h word, the other h word, the a word
and the y word'. As you've probably deduced, this can get pretty
confusing. So many words start with the same letter. People often
misunderstand each other. It can lead to trouble at times with people
wrongly taking offence. To be honest,
sending the whole dictionary to word prison hasn't really helped this
nation. All the breakdowns in communication have badly effected the
economy. The people are unhappy because they can no longer make
themselves understood. Ironically, the exchanging of insults is where
most clarity remains. Someone pointing at you and shouting 'the f
word and the o word' is obviously telling you to go away and in no
uncertain terms.
****
Instead of being sent to word prison,
sometimes words are just banished from certain places, like an
individual might get barred from a nightclub or pub. Due to some
traumatic past event or colossal faux pas,
seemingly harmless words might hold a significantly dire
association in particular workplaces or social groups. Groups of
colleagues, friends, or acquaintances often
banish words from their direct circle. Sometimes the forbidden word
might be a name. You might meet a group of jovial bachelors who go a
bit tense when you mention the name 'Edith'. From the sudden silence
and the communal dropping of eyes, you will realise
that an Edith was once known to these gents and that something bad
came of this. One bachelor might even mutter something like 'bloody
Ediths' and another will snarl at him 'leave it!'. Then, after a
brief lull, you'll all go back to talking about the match. Certain
words can also be barred from family homes, I know because there was a word
banned from the house where I grew up. A simple enough word that,
when uttered, sent out invisible shockwaves like the detonation of a
psychological bomb. A word that meant nothing of any import to others
but brought something appalling to the minds of my whole family. That
word was 'rancheros' and to find out more just click the following
escapee from my personal word prison: RANCHEROS!!!
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