NOT BEING RACIST OR ANYTHING...

(pictured above: Get out of it y’cheeky little bollix!)

I was on the bus the other day enjoying myself, sat there chatting with the other passengers about how much we love Ireland and having a bit of a sing-song. It was lovely. Then things changed. The bus came to a halt and these immigrants got on. Eskimos no less, a whole family of them, carrying speared fish and dragging a load of huskies and massive blocks of ice with them. It took them a very long time to get everything on the bus and then they spent ages rummaging around in their massive furry pockets for the correct fare. I was going to be late for mass and decided I’d had quite enough, so, right in front of them, I made a point of sighing loudly and rolling my eyes. They didn’t care though. They didn’t give a damn so I went home and posted about them on politics.ie. ‘That’ll show them’, I thought.

I'm not being racist or anything but these polar types are everywhere these days; charging up and down the road in their sleighs, barking at each other in their mad sounding ice tongue. Most of them are on the welfare. For people on welfare, they don’t seem to be short of money for husky food do they? Those dogs look well fed. Better fed than a lot of Irish dogs in fact. It’s nice for some isn’t it? It’s nice for some.

(pictured above: You wouldn’t see an Irish dog nicking biscuits.)

Like I was saying, I'm not racist or anything but there’s heaps of igloos popping up everywhere too. Have you noticed? Ice slums. I’m sure you’ve seen them. They melt in the summer and the bleeding heart social workers get the Eskimos more ice so they can rebuild. The ice is imported from Eskimoania (where Eskimos are from) and guess who pays for all that ice to be shipped over, that’s right, us, the Irish tax payer, me and you, mister and missus muggins.

That’s not all. StraightTalkinIreland was saying on politics.ie that a lot of Eskimos have secret shares in the Eskomanian companies that sell us the ice. Yeah, they’re making a profit out of us buying ice off them to build them new houses. I'm not being racist or anything but how do you like that? HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT??? And here am I, having to cancel the Sky Plus. I mean, can we, as a people, even afford this with what we owe the EU/MFI and all that lot?

That’s not all either. An acquaintance of my cousin’s friend’s sister works in Argos and apparently she says that she's not a racist or anything but Eskimos are coming in to the shop with special vouchers from the welfare and buying hair dryers and then going off and using these hair dryers to melt their igloos so that we have to purchase more ice from them. Well, excuse my French but Jesus Lord of Christ MacFuck! The cheek of it! The utter cheek!

Not to be racist or anything but I’m driven to distraction here. Cleaning husky shite off the lawn and having to put up with the stink of fish on the bus is bad enough but seeing the nation fleeced by this lot, well, it’s enough to make you not be racist or anything.

Look, not to be racist or anything, but if you’re not going to act Irish then maybe you should get out of Ireland. I read on the history section of politics.ie that Napoleon once described Britain as a nation of shopkeepers and Ireland as a nation of British shopkeepers. That to me seems a fair description. It's our heritage and our culture and all that. So, what I want to say to all these Eskimos is this: If you are not prepared to act like a British shopkeeper then you can get the next boat back to Eskomania and don’t come back. Not being racist or anything.

Oh and have you ever heard the Eskomanian national anthem? No? Well here it is. . .

Not being racist or anything but for fuck's sake lads, go home would you?